Jul 19, 2021 in Life Coaching
How to Live Fully In the Present Moment
Your mind fluctuates between a stressful thought about a future event while simultaneously recalling a thought from the past
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How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
“It’s being here now that’s important. There’s no past and there’s no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.” – George Harrison
Stuck In The Past
Your mind fluctuates between a stressful thought about a future event while simultaneously recalling a thought from the past.
You’re caught in a vice-like grip buried between two thoughts that hold you captive. You abandon hope of remaining grounded in the present moment, despite your best intentions to let go of the incessant thoughts.
The above scenario is an all too familiar scene in our lives. Our minds are habitually consumed with thinking and analysing, not to mention the accompanying emotions which drive our thought patterns.
In his book A Whole New Mind, author Daniel Pink believes the future will belong to the “right-brain” thinkers who think in whole terms. The right brain is considered to be complete, integrated and holistic while the left is logical, analytical and objective.
Living fully in the present moment invites you to draw on your right brain which is the seat of intuition. The importance of leaning toward right-brain thinking allows the integration of our sixth sense, intuition. This faculty or subtle knowledge weaves itself throughout our life, allowing us to reconnect back to the importance of being in the present moment.
You may have heard it said that the past and the future are merely illusions since they don’t exist in the NOW.
Where are they?
The past is a memory and the future has not yet arrived. Although we continually replay aspects of our past, whether consciously or unconsciously and bring it into the present moment. Our interactions with others are referenced by past conditioning.
If a friend does not return a phone call, you may feel hurt, angry and betrayed even though there may be a logical reason for not calling. Unconsciously we are quick to jump to conclusions that we have been treated unfairly.
Our subconscious thoughts quickly recall our past hurts by creating the accompanying emotions to support the thoughts. This all happens in a split second and we fall victim to ourselves.
In his acclaimed book Way of The Peaceful Warrior, self-help author and speaker Dan Millman reminds us of the importance of this moment, “The time is now, the place is here. Stay in the present. You can do nothing to change the past, and the future will never come exactly as you plan or hope for.”
“I can feel guilty about the past, apprehensive about the future, but only in the present can I act. The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.” – Abraham Maslow
This Moment Is All You Have
In order to experience timeless health and wellbeing, it is important to be centred at the moment. Those who live in the past invite mental stress which is disguised as regret, fear and anxiety. Similarly, those who are future-orientated live with fear, worry and anger since they anticipate a future that never arrives as planned.
A well-known aphorism states that your body is in the present moment, so should your thoughts. This is what is meant when one talks about the mind-body connection – integrating the mind and body so they are in harmony and union with one another. Mind and body cannot be united if your thoughts are anywhere but in the present moment.
It is widely accepted that those who live in the past or future surrender their personal power, thus reducing the capacity to create their ideal life circumstances.
Opportunities are lost since they are wishing for things as they used to be or hoping life will unfold in a certain way. Their minds are caught up in a battle yearning for something more. As evidence via Dan Millman’s quote, the future never arrives as we plan or hope for. It stands to reason that we attend to the present moment with deep attentiveness.
Whilst it is good for me to espouse the virtues of living in the present moment, it is challenging to keep our attention focussed on the present since we continually respond to our thoughts.
Such thoughts would have you know of your opposition to this moment. These thoughts, in the form of the ego, convince you that the present moment does not live up to what you imagined it to be, so suffering ensues.
Finding Inner Peace
So what can you do about it? How can you live fully in the present? Firstly, learn to witness your thoughts with an open heart and compassion. Many people upon noticing their thoughts are out of control respond unkindly. Do not attempt to silence your mind since that only agitates it. Witnessing means observing without creating a dialogue to support the thoughts.
An effective way for reconnecting with oneself and to the present moment is to draw your attention to your breath. Remember earlier I spoke about the mind-body connection? Integrating your thoughts with your body sensations allows you to be present and aware. You shift your attention away from the incessant thoughts into your body.
Close your eyes and focus your awareness on your nostrils. Do not allow any other distractions to enter your mind. Focus on breathing in and out for five breaths. Do this as often as you need to throughout the day, when you find yourself stressed for no reason.
The practice of mindfulness allows you to reconnect to the present moment. I wrote an article about this. Mindfulness aims to tame the mind through focussed attention. So that a simple act of doing the dishes can be a rewarding experience.
Of course, it takes practice and patience to become mindful, yet the rewards are certainly worth it.
Original article: https://www.tonyfahkry.com/live-fully-present/