Dec 15, 2020 in Counseling
Can Two Very Different People Make Their Relationship Work?
Opposites can attract, and really do make their Relationship work as their own Loving Couple!
How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
Can Two Very Different People Make Their Relationship Work?
It is an old saying that opposites attract, but while differences may feel like a fun challenge at the beginning of a relationship, they can end up feeling much more like incompatibilities a few years down the road, the same way quirks and certain flaws, - like being late, or a propensity to forget things - can turn into features which bother the other, once the novelty of the relationship turns into something more routinely.
Especially when kids are involved, and the couple starts having less time just for themselves, this can trigger individuals to be less patient, having less time to solve problems efficiently and in a good time-frame. Having kids can, at the same time, make the couple more willing to save the relationship for the kids’ sake, than for themselves.
This is something very specific that is worked on at Stack Counselling: the relationship needs to be salvaged for the couple, because that will benefit the kids as well. But the couple will be the main subjects of the therapy.
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Kids should not be the only reason a couple decides to stay together; a couple should work to stay together first for themselves and, of course, that will be the best for the kids.
Loving parents and a stable household is healthy for a kid’s growth. Fighting parents, even when staying together, is not.
Does this mean that completely different people are doomed when it comes to being happy in a romantic relationship together? Not quite.
Very often, those differences can work almost like pieces of a puzzle, which fit together nicely, allowing each of the individuals in the relationship to focus on what they are best at, tackling things with their own abilities and strong features.
Most of us know a couple that seems to have nothing in common, but somehow ground each other, and work like a properly oiled machine. They make what could be their weakness, into a strength.
Very often, though, this requires learning how to deal with the other, and it is a process, in many ways.
Not everyone is equipped to make a relationship with opposite character work, and very often a couple stays unhappily in a relationship, tiptoeing around issues for far too long. The couple comes to what they believe is an end of the road, without realising that there are ways to work out the differences.
Obviously, these refer to personality differences which can be worked together; for some relationships, when one or both of the partners are unfaithful and violent, it’s a more delicate situation, which needs a different approach and, in some instances, cannot be salvaged.
One thing that isn’t talked enough, is how interesting it can be to be in a relationship with someone who brings to the table new things, and different interests. There isn’t a lot we can learn from individuals who like the same things we like, and although it is fun to share experiences with like-minded people, and we can find comfort in what we have in common, being in a relationship with someone that knows and is inclined to do different things, can make our own lives much more interesting. We’ll get to know and experience things we wouldn’t otherwise. We will see other perspectives and take what we need from it, without having to change the core of who we are, and the things we are interested in. It’s a win-win situation.
Always, the most important thing is to find a compromise and make it work.
The role of Stack Counselling and of the therapist
At Stack Counselling, our main goal is to help couples come together and find some common ground, turning those differences into strengths and into tools the couple can use to grow together, and as individuals.
We’re doing this backed up by science: according to this research on the journal Social Cognition (https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2029345), opposites fit.
With the right guidance and good couple therapy, these relationships can become even stronger, by bringing out the best of each individual, and helping them deal with the other. This, including their own individual expectations and goals, and as a couple who cares for the other and themselves.
Furthermore, the study shows that working the way they prefer and best know, and focusing each on different ways to achieve the same goal, is a better way, not only to achieve their stated goal, while doing so more equitably since each individual focuses on what they’re best at.
With different approaches, therapy helps couples find a strategy, where both bring to the table the best of themselves.
Another point the therapists at Stack Counselling help with is remembering the couple why they became a couple in the first place, how differences were a reason for the mutual attraction at some point, and how they can work in the same way again, if well explored.
The role of the therapist is never to take sides but to turn a battle against each other, into a battle to save the relationship together. To see differences as personality traits, rather than flaws, and give the couple an outside perspective which will determine the success of their relationship, and make it more intimate, and stronger.
This is made through respect, love, and kindness, after a first introductory meeting, and across several therapy sessions, created specifically for each couple, and their needs.
Stack Counselling guides couples to figure out a way to compromise, where both individuals can be heard, respected, and given the time of the day to express their emotions, expectations, and struggles. Working together for the same purpose: bring back the old flame, while finding value in knowing the other well, and in continuing to work for a good balance in the relationship, by keeping and cherishing the worth of their own individuality.