Jan 9, 2020 in Life Coaching
We Must Stand Fully In Our Own Shoes And Not Give Up On Ourselves
What does it mean to you to stand fully in your own shoes and not give up on yourself? I understand it to mean owning our we
How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
Understanding The Origins Of Our Desires
“If we are willing to stand fully in our own shoes and never give up on ourselves, then we will be able to put ourselves in the shoes of others and never give up on them.” ? Pema Chödrön, Start Where You Are
What does it mean to you to stand fully in your own shoes and not give up on yourself? I understand it to mean owning our weaknesses and shadows and not stowing them away because they don’t feel good. It entails accepting ourselves as we are, not as we like ourselves to be. It’s easy to be happy when everything is smooth sailing but what if we are still unhappy despite our needs being met? Do you want to entrust your happiness to a particular state of being every time? Don’t you see this is not a way to live because we are always hoping life will be a certain way before we can be happy?
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It is possible to achieve happiness amidst darkness and despair. Happiness is a choice that requires accepting our circumstances and not buying into some ideal that life will be better when our needs are met. Have you noticed when you get what you want, there is always something more the ego craves? It’s not your fault because it is the role of the ego to want more. It is never satisfied because it hinges its survival on craving and desire. It is what the Tibetan Buddhist Pema Chödrön refers to when she writes in Start Where You Are: How to Accept Yourself and Others: “Ego is not sin. Ego is not something that you get rid of. Ego is something that you come to know — something that you befriend by not acting out or repressing all the feelings that you feel.”
This cycle leads to suffering because we are like children, always wanting more to ensure our happiness. We cry and throw tantrums when we don’t get what we want and when it finally arrives, we are momentarily happy before longing for the next thing. Think about this in your own life. Have there been situations where you yearned for something and when it arrived, you craved the next thing? It’s human nature to want what we don’t have, but surely we can break this cycle by understanding ourselves better? I believe it lies in better understanding our desires and our egoic needs. Zen Buddhism advocates against pursuing pleasure (desires) since they can never be met. Perceiving our negative emotions through the eyes of compassion and kindness is the way out of suffering. This is a difficult concept for many to contemplate because self-compassion is still a foreign idea for us to practice in the West.
Attend To The Emotions That Need Our Attention
“Being human is not about being anyone particular way; it is about being as life creates you—with your own particular strengths and weaknesses, gifts and challenges, quirks and oddities.” ? Kristin Neff
Self-compassion means to be intimate with our emotions and create a space of healing and love, instead of anaesthetising it with: alcohol, material objects, harmful activities or toxic people. It requires coming to terms with our darkness and heavy emotions. These are our childhood wounds calling us to sit with them instead of running from them. I liken it to listening to music and constantly pausing the songs to attend to other matters. We are not appreciating the music but interrupting it to divert our attention to something else. This happens when we defer our childhood traumas, by occupying ourselves in something other than the emotions that need our attention. Is this something you’re willing to explore? Will you to take the time to make space to be with yourself regularly? Your answer will give you an insight into whether you are committed to your healing and transformation or whether you delay the process because of the pain associated with it.
It is my experience coaching people over the years that they give up on themselves too soon. Regrettably, they give up on other areas of their lives too instead of processing the pain. When I encourage them to heal their wounds, they realise they have been running away from their pain their entire life. It is then they are willing to process the pain of the past. Whilst it is not a pleasurable experience, we can transform our pain and integrate it into the wholeness of our core nature. We realise these experiences do not define us but appreciate that beneath the pain of regret or disappointment, is the sweetest joy and love that knows no bounds. Once we stop running from ourselves, we are ready to be intimate with an expansive love that dwells within us.
This love never disappeared but was obscured by the disentangled beliefs concealing our true nature. Therefore, to stand fully in our own shoes and not give up on ourselves is a journey of self-enquiry and self-realisation. We become curious about who we really are and peel back the layers, to reveal an exquisite flower blossoming before our very eyes. We come to love ourselves unconditionally and this realisation echoes far and wide, so all who come into contact with us can feel the radiance of this love blooming. This is not a fairy tale about falling in love with ourselves but removing the layers that prevent us knowing our true worth. Knowing this, I invite you to journal what you think is holding you back in your life right now? What is standing in the way of your true happiness? Are you willing to own your darkness? Once we stop giving up on ourselves, we will understand that beneath our suffering is a sweet, innocent child yearning to be held in the arms of love.