Aug 12, 2021 in Life Coaching

We Grow into the Finest Version of Ourselves, When We Love without an Agenda

We grow into the finest version of ourselves when we’re given the opportunity to awaken our authentic selves.

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Heal And Transform Your Childhood Wounds

“It is not good to try to cram our ideas down the throats of others. People grow in their own way, in their own time. Love is a feeling of well-being for other person.”—Ashok Gulla 

We grow into the finest version of ourselves when we’re given the opportunity to awaken our authentic selves. Growth takes place by opening our hearts and minds to be tolerant of others without hidden motives. An agenda creates distance between us since it is not vested in love or cooperation. These qualities are the underpinnings of a harmonious relationship. If you want to help people grow into the finest version of themselves, nurture a spirit of compassion and empathy with them. We should greet others where they stand rather than expect them to align with us. In doing so, we narrow the divide that separates us and reaches out to them in a shared space of humility, support and understanding. Does this make sense? Can you see that meeting people where they are, helps to heal the separation between us?

Growth takes place when the conditions are safe for a person to thrive and prosper. You need only look at young children who grow up in a caring and loving household. With proper parenting and role models, they develop healthy self-esteem and empathy for their fellow beings. However, if their upbringing is interrupted with hostility, violence, or emotional abuse, they are likely to adopt this behaviour later in life. What is sewn into the family unit will create the conditions for the child’s self-esteem to flourish in the ensuing years. I realise not everyone grows up in a household where these qualities are apparent. It is out of your control to choose your parents or caregivers, even their parenting style. However, you have the power to heal and transform your childhood wounds so you don’t carry them throughout life in order to appease your parents or caregivers.

See Them Through The Eyes Of Love

“Love moves without an agenda. It just moves because that is its nature to move.”—Adyashanti

Healing and transformation are difficult and may take years if not decades to explore. The journey into oneself is worth it because of who you become. As mentioned in earlier articles, I had a fractured relationship with my father growing up, owing to my strict disciplinary upbringing. When I reflect on it now, I see that my childhood experience forced me to take the journey into myself and discover my true essence. This journey became the catalyst for writing the book Awaken Your Authentic Self. As a child and young adult, I assumed the narrative my father upheld which resulted in developing low self-esteem. In the decades that followed, I realised my childhood experiences were an invitation to love myself and transform my childhood wounds. I learned more about myself over the last two decades that through hardship and challenges arise the most resilient, yet humble souls among us.

Can you relate to this? Have you experienced something in your past that forced you to confront your wounds? If so, what lessons did you gain and how did it change your life? We ought to respect our intimate relationships because the other person has chosen us amongst others to bear their soul and allow us into their heart. To break their heart is not only a transgression against them but also ourselves. Intimate relationships are a gateway into the deepest part of our psyche. We learn more about our true nature and awaken our authentic selves through these unions. We must nurture our partners, friends, family and co-workers in a sea of kindness and compassion. That is, greet them in a place of respect, trust and sacredness and see them through the eyes of love, not judgment, hate, or anger. When these disempowering states arise, it is an invitation to heal and transform them into the wholeness of our being. What we heal within ourselves, we heal within the relationship.

Disharmony And Disease Of Thinking

“You must love in such a way that the other person feels free.”—Thich Nhat Hanh

We mustn’t wait for others to improve ourselves first. We should tend to our personal growth at all times and create the ideal conditions for others to do the same. If nothing else changes within the relationship, at least we will have focussed on our personal growth. Growth is vital to life otherwise we remain stagnant, stuck and our self-esteem is impaired. This is when problems arise and people blame one another for their transgressions. If the individual traces the steps leading to the conflict, they will see how they each contributed to neglect their personal growth and that of their partners. Any form of war, whether it be war between nations or war within ourselves begins locally.

It begins at the level of the mind with disharmony and disease of thinking. It starts with separation instead of inner harmony. Therefore, let’s love those close to us with a spirit of openness, tenderness while being their agent of change. Let’s be the facilitator of their happiness and I assure you, what you do for another is returned tenfold. Don’t allow that to be your motivator, as you will expect things in return and be disappointed when it is not reciprocated. Do it out of the kindness of your heart. Do it because it pleases you to support their happiness and personal growth. Once we greet others in a sacred space of love, it becomes a vessel for a union built on trust, compassion and a connection between people whose lives are meant together.

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