Nov 17, 2021 in Life Coaching

I love being Kinky... Is that okay?

Some people are ashamed to admit they want more pleasure. I tell you it's okay. Come chat with me in a safe place.

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There is a variety of things involved in the lifestyle of BDSM. It’s also known as a kink/fetish. More people are into it because it’s not always about the physical aspect of a power exchange but the mental aspect. Where the mind goes, the body soon follows.

Most couples love the power play in their own room. They love it when the husband or wife takes control of them behind closed doors, but when it is more open and known it can make these same people feel uncomfortable. 

Sometimes BDSM isn’t all about sex play but role-playing. There is a beginning and ending to the store. It’s a fantasy from being restraint and teased, teacher and student, cop and robber, maid service and lonely wife or husband, pool boy and the wife alone while the husband is at work, etc. It’s so much more than whips, chains, prods, floggers, candlewax… it’s about immersing oneself in a total fantasy to escape from the real world even if it’s for a little while.

I personally find these types of relationships healthy. It keeps the spice alive and leaves things where they aren’t redundant and becomes boring where the other person is ready and eager to look for someone else. 

So how is a vanilla lifestyle different? Well, it depends on how involved each party is. There can be more powerful with one party having full control over everything or one specific thing and the other person just takes control over the intimacy.

So why are people so uncomfortable with the BDSM lifestyle if they’ve never experienced it?

It has to do with how movies, porn, etc have shown it to be. There’s danger, abuse, criminal activity, use of someone, violence in some fashion, torture, one person being constantly hurt,  no mental well-being of the other person. There’s only one person who gets all the pleasure and everything they want and the other is just used and discarded as if they were nothing and in BDSM that is 95% not the case at all.

There is the consent given, there are code words used if the other person has had enough, there are boundaries never crossed, there is tenderness and care after play has been completed. No one sees that side though.

How do you enter into this lifestyle?

There needs to be communication from the get-go. Who has what role? How long will the roles last? Does one want to switch (meaning one day they are submissive/slave role than the next they are the dominant person)? What are the sexual interests you’d like to try? Find a code word for you both that you know the other person has had enough and don’t cross that boundary. Share fantasies with each other? What are you willing and/or not willing to do during your intimacy? What are they WILL NOT DO no matter what? Respect each other’s limits.

I’ve never had a Domme (female)/Dom (male) but always wanted one, I just don’t know why I feel this way? I want someone to take me under their wing and teach me. 

I say for some they have no idea what they are getting themselves into. Most Dommes/Dom are not looking for someone to get the other person’s jollies off one time… they want someone in it for the long hall. Not temporary relief from the other person. You can do that alone or watch a movie of your choosing. 

I want a female Domme to use me… I need to make a woman happy. I yearn for it.

How a woman would love to have a plaything to use for her own pleasure. She knows it would please him in a way that he needs and at the same time herself. It’s all about her words. How she can bend the mind and the body follows. It’s about her delicate words and the ways she can call him her “good boy” when he completes a task. Some men also love to spend money on their Domme’s. Not that they have to, but they want to help their domme out because they know her time is precious and she is making time for him and he feels he is contributing to making her life even better. He feels a sense of belonging that way. 

If a domme can use her words by phone or in writing and just tell her sub/slave that she would love to be next to him with her hands gently tapping along his shoulders as he rests in the submissive position on his knees for her and she steps behind him and leans down, her warm breath against his neck, his flesh, she can feel those tiny goosebumps rise, she can see that hitch in his breath and how he excites her…. He buckles and is ready to please her more. He’s ready to do whatever is needed to make her happy and ready to please her. 

One thing that Dommes/Doms/Mistresses do not like is the time wasters. They are around for 1 day, 1 week, or maybe 6 months then they finish without a word then a few weeks or months later they return as if all is okay and want to be submissive again. By then, most Dommes/Doms/Mistresses have moved on. They aren’t going to waste their time on someone like that.

Also please note that if you come wanting the pleasure of being in the presence remotely/in person of a domme/dom/mistress know what you want. It’s not for them to help you decide what you should be. You need to know who you are. They already know what role they play. They are not there to hold your hand.

If you are a willing participant obey all the rules, even if you tell a domme/dom you have been trained, that’s great. You were trained for that person but not for the new person so what one person liked the other person may not. So you must be flexible. Don’t look for instant gratification. 

I want to know more? Who do I talk to about this?

You can send me a message here and I can definitely help you discover more. If you feel you want to share your kinks and are afraid to … don’t worry. I am a very open-minded person. It’s okay to know that there is a safe place to talk.

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