Jun 18, 2020 in Life Coaching
"People with a broken past are a wonder to behold."
Learn how to leave your past behind, find your purpose and start your journey.
How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
James Tibbs is a Ph. D, Certified Purpose Development Coach, Online Life Coach, speaker, author, and trainer. He has been working in the personal development field for over three decades! James has traveled to many countries and is dedicated to helping both men and women to find their purpose and improve their lives through his online sessions. He also helps Clients to overcome challenges and become their best version. Let's get to know more about James:
WikiExpert: What is your number one approach and strategy to helping Clients to find themselves?
James Tibbs: My number one approach and strategy to helping Clients find themselves starts with interviewing them in a casual conversational tone. The more relaxed the client is, the more likely they will trust me enough to be honest. Honesty is important because the strategy is obstructed, although temporarily until the Client is comfortable with telling the truth about who they are today. Using this information, I create a path for Discovery, Empowerment, Building and Transformation to emerge.
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WikiExpert: In your opinion, why is it important for people to know their purpose?
James Tibbs: It is extremely important for people to know their purpose because it is their life. If they don’t know who they are, why they are here and where they can find help beyond themselves, disappointments, and inconsistency may create a messy human existence.
WikiExpert: What are the biggest factors and challenges that prevent people from finding their purpose and becoming their best versions?
James Tibbs: The biggest factor and challenge that prevents people from finding their purpose and becoming their best version is Purpose Deficit Disorders (PDD). PDD is the inability to identify anatomical hints that lead to a higher purpose. This can be measured by the personal failure to crave wisdom that leads to a higher purpose. People with PDD trust themselves only, which can lead to exploiting others and being exploited.
WikiExpert: During the COVID-19 pandemic, what do you feel this dark period has taught us?
James Tibbs: There are too many lessons from COVID-19 to innumerate. This dark period has taught the world that we are on the same playing field – that we are all living the human experience and that we all need to reset. For some, the family needed to replace the job, business and entrepreneurialism. For those who lost loved ones, this message is possibly a stronger realization than for others. Another major message concerns messaging. I believe everyone received a customized message to build something to advance the noble intentions for which they were born and then defend the integrity of what has been built, despite the resistance.
WikiExpert: How can we use this time to find ourselves?
James Tibbs: One way we can find ourselves is to reorganize how we look at ourselves. Many people look at what they do first and who they are second. Put another way, their performance is first, their existence is second. This is the wrong order. Be, then Do. That’s the real you. Each of us battles with some form of this because America is a performance-driven place. Other parts of the world are the same way. Being produces the best performance, otherwise, we keep faking it, but never make it.
WikiExpert: What advice would you give to someone who has been suffering from depression during this period and how would you help them?
James Tibbs: People who are suffering from depression are suffering from PDD. Depression by definition reflects sadness. Why? Something is lost. Something is missing. What is missing is the person’s design potential. A depressed person can rearrange their view from powerless to powerful and begin to motor themselves out of the rut they are in. Depending on how deeply imbedded the person is, start by listing what you are designed for by looking at your body and listing all that you are capable of. If the page is blank, don’t get up until you fill it with ideas. Ask yourself, what are my eyes, nose, head, ears, hands, mouth, sexual organs and feet designed for? Think about how these parts of you could interact in business, in life and in the community? You’ll be there all day if you could take the time to engage. Depression will leave once your design potential emerges through this exercise.
WikiExpert: You published many articles on WikiExpert that were enjoyed by many. Let's talk about this one: How to Reshape the Past You Dislike to Build the Future You Want. For those who are ashamed and embarrassed about their past, how can they move forward?
James Tibbs: For people who are embarrassed about their past, I would offer this. Everyone has a past. Everyone has a past that is unique to them. The past we share cannot be changed, but how we view it can. Perhaps a broken past could be compared to shattered glass. There is a sound associated with walking on broken glass. Emotionally, the sound is unpleasant because of the reminders. Yet, some of the most magnificent art can be seen in the stained glass of many old cathedrals. Not only do those glass pieces tell a story, but they also take on another dimension when the sun passes through these windows. By looking at the past through a different light, the image of brokenness becomes a valuable story worth hearing, worth sharing, and worth using, to help others who struggle with their broken past. Quite frankly, the broken pieces of stained glass look amazing when the sun hits it. People with a broken past are a wonder to behold.
WikiExpert: How do you help Clients to move forward, leave their past behind and build a bright future?
James Tibbs: I help Clients move forward, leave their past behind and build a bright future by reframing the way they use the past to build Purpose Capital. Purpose Capital is the sum total of past experiences that define parts of our existence. Using the 8 body parts described above, a 1 point numeric value is assigned to each body part totaling 8, which is the number of new beginnings. The Client scores themselves in a pass/fail rating to score how each body part released acceptable Growth Potential that day. Each achievement is a small win that when registered daily, re-engineers ’ habits that unlock the desired future.
WikiExpert: These days many people are feeling negative. How would you advise them to see the light at the end of the tunnel and get them to work toward building a positive future?
James Tibbs: My advice to help people see the light at the end of the tunnel and get them to work toward building a positive future would include 2 things. Life can rise and fall based upon our ability to 1. Sustain our Motivations and 2. Defend our Convictions. Write or text to themselves a Philosophy of Purpose which is the answer to 3 questions. 1. Who am I? 2. Why am I here? 3. What should I be doing to get Divine help? This will turn on the person’s Meaning Making skills where their own light guides them through dark tunnels in life.
WikiExpert: In addition to helping Clients to find themselves and their purpose, you also offer relationship coaching and advice. Please tell us about this. What are the most common relationship issues that you help with?
James Tibbs: The most common relationship issues that I help with regards to couples, married and single. Men and women are created to be and do different things. When the design potential is misunderstood, people get creative trying to fashion their spouse or partner after their own image. This is a big problem because Design Potential is built with Intelligence, not by random means. If the purpose of a design is misunderstood, the mishandling and misuse of the relationship partner is inevitable.
WikiExpert: What are the foundations of a strong relationship and marriage?
James Tibbs: Understanding the purpose of relationships and marriage is essential for the strength of each to emerge. Relationships and marriage have similar purpose objectives with varying degrees of capacity. Each shares the common goal of an expansion agenda. Personal, business and community relationships call upon expansion as a normal consequence of growth. Marriages likewise form the basis for expansion. For example, in marriage, love is an essential expansion element. Marriage is a covenant arrangement that ties the couple to joint responsibility unlike unisons of lesser agreements. In marriage, intimacy binds the union through the commitment to cleave together and leave all others. The seeds of this promise are expanded to the marriage bed where the exchange of trust is nurtured by the woman whose personal chamber becomes a place of worship, life, and exclusive occurrence. To this end, Covenant equals Commitment. Lesser agreements contain clauses and amendments that can be broken easily.
WikiExpert: Another specialty of yours is helping men through fatherhood. How do you help them to be the best fathers?
James Tibbs: Helping men become the best father they can start with love and ends with legacy. Many men have never heard “I love you” from their father’s which translates into a love deficit for their sons. Love can be learned, expressed as well as received. To receive love is to receive the strength of belonging which begets the image of sharing. When this circle is full, no one goes without the benefit of belonging. Legacy suggests that seeds have been planted and the harvest that awaits is sustainable. Father’s should not seek to be friends too early in the relationship lest his children grow up misunderstanding authority. To miss this lesson is to disrespect such, and disqualify the next generation from receiving their share of humility and nobility which comes from understanding the purpose of authority.
WikiExpert: What are the most common mistakes that you see fathers make and how can they avoid it?
James Tibbs: The most common mistake I see fathers make is in their being absent. Fathers can avoid this by being interested in the child they helped create and by being present. Being interested shows maturity and manhood. Being present indicates to the child that he or she matters, which is foundational towards breaking the chains of average.
WikiExpert: In today's times, do you feel that fathers are less active in parenting than mothers? If yes, why?
James Tibbs: Overall, I feel that fathers are less active in parenting than mothers because some of the fathers are incarcerated. Another reason that men are absent is that they feel inadequate for the task and instead of looking weak, they look weaker by not showing up to try. A third reason is that it’s easy to do nothing, and especially so if nothing was done by the father’s father, to set the pattern of how fatherhood should be advanced.
WikiExpert: What does your typical online session look like? What can Clients expect from it?
James Tibbs: A typical online session customarily turns into a phone call where the process begins. Clients can expect to take a Purpose IQ Assessment followed by a breakdown of what this means and transition into 12-week coaching. Each 60-minute session will a. unleash the power of the person’s design potential, b. help Clients connect the dots, c. Build a Purpose Development bridge, d. Add value e. Increase mental stamina f. Manage deadlines g. Scrutinize support systems h. Redefine oneself i. Create a stronger personal why j. build and sustain self-culture.
Now, let's get to know more about James:
WikiExpert: When you're not helping others, where can we find you? What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?
James Tibbs: I enjoy spending time with my wife and family, reading, playing Words with Friends, meditating and recording dreams.
WikiExpert: What inspired you to become a Life Coach?
James Tibbs: Helping people was the goal of becoming a Life Coach, then I went deeper into the field by becoming a Certified Purpose Development Coach through the Purpose Development Institute in Atlanta, Georgia.
WikiExpert: Do you have any goals or plans for the future both professionally and personally?
James Tibbs: Professionally, I plan to use my Ph. D. to advance the agenda of helping Millennials and others get plugged in to their spiritual destiny using Purpose Development Coaching. Personally, I plan to develop a more consistent exercise routine to maintain the excellent health I have gained since suffering a stroke in 2017.
WikiExpert: How did you overcome the challenge of not knowing your purpose? How did you find it?
James Tibbs: I kept looking for it (my purpose). I have known that I marveled at seeing people do well at something they were good at doing. At the time, I didn’t know this was connected to purpose. Then, I met a Master Purpose Development Coach (MPDC) at an event. It took more than 12 months to get started until on this particular day, I heard deep within me, “You need to learn a new skill set”. I didn’t know what that meant until later in the day, the MPDC called and used those exact words. This was chilling, no coincidence and the journey began.
WikiExpert: What was your biggest accomplishment that you're most proud of?
James Tibbs: My biggest accomplishment was the awakening to the idea that personal perfection was impossible for me and that I could break through the noise of personal ascent to accept the help offered by the Lord Jesus. This set-in motion many other accomplishments, the most notable of which is sharing life with my wife of 36 years.
Find your purpose today! Message James Tibbs for free to book a session.