Dec 12, 2020 in Life Coaching
HARNESSING THE GREATNESS MINDSET
The mind is a 'sayer' but the brain is a 'doer'!
How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
Have you noticed how your thoughts influence your actions?
For instance, when you think of something that makes you happy, you release a burst of positive energy within you that tends to make you smile, sing, flip, jump, dance or react in some sort of celebration - action.
Well, unfortunately, same principle applies to the contrary thoughts that swing past your mind. For instance, when you surmise that your colleagues at work don't like you or you aren't good enough for your position, your actions unconsciously reflect this thought and you often find yourself second guessing your values. End result, you undermine your potentials.
This is because the mind conceives what the brain executes.
When you experience this too often, it becomes a pattern in your life.
Life Patterns and Belief systems
You can infer from my earlier explanation that Life Patterns thrive on negative belief systems. We base our lives on certain believes that determines our experiences and how we react to those experiences. For instance, some people believe that “Tough times don’t last, only though people do”, so they enjoy taking on challenging tasks at work and life in general. When such people are faced with difficult situations, they engage their creativity and develop means of solving problems, not just for themselves but for others that might come across same situation. Hence, they are problem solvers. With this problem-solving Belief system, Life patterns like abandoning projects halfway or developing cold feet for trying something different will not thrive in their lives.
On the other hand, some people might have a “Do your best and leave the rest” Belief system. They try out projects and are quick to throw in the towel once they face challenges. They fear failure because it has a negative influence on their self-confidence, so they rather back out from challenges than go through it with the determination to succeed. Such people might have Life patterns of broken relationships, limited self-development, stagnant careers, self-doubt and imposter syndromes. However, this restrictive life pattern can be broken with a belief system that inculcates possibilities and empowerment.
Breaking Unwanted Patterns
Since patterns are unfavourable behavioural cycles that find their way into people’s lives, they are also non-beneficial to success. After identifying these patterns, the first instinct people develop is to make conscious efforts to avoid the course of these patterns at instances when they usually occur. However, Life patterns don’t disappear by being disregarded, they only cease to exist in lives when you break them.
But breaking these patterns might not be as simple as refusing them a part in your life. Your determination to subdue these patterns by restricting your response to their urge would only be short-lived because these patterns are being energised by the beliefs and notions that you live your life upon. So, what you might find worrisome is that if you go contrary to your beliefs, you might disrupt your morals and lose your values.
Fortunately, you can stop these unwanted trends in their tracks by following steps that would reveal their roots in your life and gradually dislodge their firm holds. Here are the steps to break your unwanted patterns;
Step 1: Identify the pattern(s) you want to change.
Before you can break a pattern, you must identify it as an unwanted cause or event that sets you back or hinders your progress. If it is mental or health related, you must consult the right specialist to seek advice on the best way to manage it to avoid putting your wellbeing at risk. Your health is paramount, so you must be in a fit state to get rid of existing patterns that you’ve adapted to. When your wellbeing is secure, make note of the pattern you don’t wish to continue in your life. It is worth noting date and time of at least five events when the pattern occurred in your life.
Step 2: Uncover the belief system supporting the pattern(s)
Whenever a pattern occurs successfully, there’s usually an assumption we base the pattern upon. For example, every time I abandoned a project in the past, I would assume that it wasn’t the right time to have embarked on it, so I needed to give it more time whilst I spend the moment on something else. That was the belief system my pattern fed on. After breaking the pattern, I could complete any task by believing that there’s no better time than the one I’ve got. So, when you discover the belief system that supports your unwanted pattern, you’re on the right path to dislodging that pattern from its abode in your life.
Step 3: Analyse the belief system by querying its validity
Most times, we magnetise beliefs into our minds from things we hear people say or things we come across in our journey through life. For instance, at a young age, you could have been told that you lacked a skill or talent and it made you give up on yourself, so you’ve never attempted your childhood interests ever since, though you get emotional when you see someone doing it. Well, you need to ask yourself some relevant questions to validate such claims on your talent like “Where you satisfied with your performance on the day you were judged, or have you done better previously?”. You’ll realise that you could have done better with adequate practise, so one poor performance doesn’t sum you up.
Step 4: Identify a replacement pattern contrary to your unwanted pattern
Mostly, the opposite of your unwanted pattern will suit perfectly as a replacement. For instance, as I previously abandoned projects, a replacement pattern would be a plan to finish every task I embark upon. However, sometimes the opposite might not be a perfect suite if it isn’t well managed. If you’re always behind schedule in delivering projects and you want to replace that pattern with the opposite that means to be ahead of your schedule, you might expose yourself to errors and poor performance. So, the best replacement would be well managed projects, completed and delivered on time.
Step 5: Identify actions to implement the replacement patterns
If you look closely to find out your activities at stages in which the pattern is occurring, you realise that by not performing such activities, you will as well render the pattern inactive. For example, when I previously abandoned projects, I will start work on another, which I felt would be more interesting to me and easier to complete. However, by not starting another project, I’ll was forced to keep returning to my abandoned projects after brainstorming on how to get it over with. So, the action I needed to implement my replacement pattern was to avoid jumping to another project when I had one uncompleted.
Step 6: Structure an alternative belief system that empowers your replacement
An alternative belief system would sustain your replacement pattern and provide as much support as that which the unwanted pattern received. If you’ve got a pattern that dates far back into your early years, chances are that after getting rid of the beliefs behind them, your mind would yearn for thoughts to feed on so it is essential to replace your bad belief system with positive beliefs to form an optimistic mindset. You need to fortify your replacement pattern with empowering beliefs to thrive on. For my example, I told myself that “Only winners get to cross the finish line.” This was my alternative belief to “There’s an easier task I can complete and later return to this.”
Step 7: Identify facts that validates your new beliefs
Your new beliefs will also need some facts to make them withstand the test of time. Such facts can range from your experiences to areas where you draw your inspirations from. For instance, after it became clear that I barely finished any project I started, I learnt about my retarded progress from that experience. I needed to bring closure to my tasks to advance my career or remain a quitter. So, the fact to validate my new belief is that “winners aren’t quitters!”.
Remember..."The MIND is an ORIGINATOR and the BRAIN is the ENFORCER, so always keep an eye on what these guys are up to!"