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Aug 27, 2021 in 

What is your love language?

What is love language? How to find and communicate it?

Shivani Patel

Life Coach

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Communication is a vast subject, We not only communicate just by speaking different languages  but also with so many other aspects like expressions, body-language, eyes, touch etc. Soul can also further understand the language of feelings, music, smells, gestures and so on … and Similarly Universe can also communicate if one truly knows how to listen, which is a whole another subject of it’s own and I have tried to cover that in one of my other articles ‘languages of the universe’ but for here and now I am simply, specially & specifically talking about love languages, when it comes to feeling & expressing or giving and receiving love, every living being develops it’s own unique kind of communication pattern containing a personalised combination of several modes of expressions accompanied with techniques/gestures of displaying, demanding and delivering affection, which is called a love language and I feel that it is quite important for everyone to find out their own love language as well as of those who they truly love and deeply care about because that will not only help us in finding and creating fulfilling relationships in our lives but also will push us forward onto the path of our own self healing and ascension journey too.

The reason I say that is because I think usually our love language is based upon our own unhealed childhood traumas and wounds. In my opinion Generally the emotional support we did not receive in our childhood in order to feel safe, happy and loved gets directly reflected & naturally converted into our love language in adulthood, and that is why in relationships when we receive that exact same thing which our inner child is craving from someone in our outer reality than that in return makes us feel safe, happy and loved from within as well.

When we develop awareness towards this feeling, than-onwards our way of demanding and craving more and more of this state is mind  eventually forms our unique love language and we keep applying it over and over again as a method of demanding love and desiring affection from our loved ones in order to feel completely content in our life, but this also means that if our love language is stemming from an unhealed trauma as a form of an automotive response to gain instant gratification because we haven’t worked on our self-healing yet, than that consequently makes us get attached negatively with people or possessions, because our unhealed trauma creates fear and ‘what if!’ scenarios within us regarding the feeling of love & safety being taken away from us at some point or the other as our negative attachment makes us believe and think that our safety and happiness is dependent upon an outside factor, so if we utilise this knowledge of our own unique love language in this way than it can also help us find out our own unhealed traumas and figuring out where exactly our unhealthy attachments are present and when we direct our self-healing process depending on this knowledge to create a safe-haven inside of us or in other words if use this knowledge as a guiding force to create our own safe-century within ourselves to help us feel safe and loved independently, without needing any influence from a particular person or an object outside of us as a medium of safety and comfort than this way this whole process of us being self aware towards our unhealed traumas, our awakening of giving them loving attention and our active work on healing them for good can finally help us taking a giant leap forward into our own self healing & ascension journey. 

By assessing ones own behaviour patterns everyone can find their own unique love language and identify whether it has negative aspects attached to it as an automated response originating from an unhealed trauma. 

For example ‘fear of abandonment’, if someone’s childhood trauma is regarding their fear of a person they love, leaving them for someone or something better (because their own unawakened self is projecting it’s subconscious perception into their existence as a result of a trauma they probably would have gone through & experienced when somebody they loved had displayed similar behaviour in the past at some point of time for them to experience it again and heal ) than that will block or restrict manifestation of the wholesome happiness & contentment in their life from their relationships because then their third dimensional projections would be originating from wound of the lack mentality and self worth issues. As a result of that they will become people pleasing in order to be able to feel loved and while suffering from low self esteem and minimum self worth they will always try to please others because they will constantly keep fearing that they are not good enough, beautiful enough, loving enough, caring enough, charming enough or clever enough, to make someone they love happy and satisfied. This idea that they don’t want to get abandoned by the person of their interest coming from their own perceived unworthiness and incapacity of being lovable may further make them anxious and trigger them into taking unusual or irrational actions or even sometimes energetically repelling or pushing people they actually love and deeply care about completely out of their reality all together only due to  existence of their own internal conflict.

Now here in order to be able to kept at ease, rest assured and feeling safe as well as loved, this type of people mostly requires constant affirmations & assurance of not getting abandoned by a loved one and to make them feel comfortable and confident their loved ones need to be there for them not only just by their words but by their actions and also by all the different aspects and means of communication possible as well, so technically in such case this person’s love language becomes ‘words of affirmation & assurance ’, and in order to heal this type trauma one needs to work on their self worth issues and abundance mindset using different tools and techniques. 

So This way By knowing our own love language we can heal ourselves, make it easier for others to help us feel loved when we need it and by knowing someone else’s love language we can make it easier for us to make someone else whom we love and deeply care about feel safe & comfortable. 

In any case identification of the trauma and finding the love language is a most important self discovery one can ever make because than we can use it as a mode of self-healing & a tool for practicing self-love 

This part of ourselves and others are worth exploring because sometimes if we don’t communicate with our own love language on a daily basis for long enough it can actually leave us feeling empty from inside and this emptiness can become a root cause of unhappiness in general, so If we want to be fulfilled and content, what we all need to do is to find out our own unique love language and use it to communicate with people around us on a daily basis even when no one understands it in the beginning or even when the people around us are having different kind of love language because than that way at least we can be true to ourselves and come into the alignment of attracting the ones who can speak and understand the same love language as us to help us find out our soul tribe & help us feel the sense of belonging. If we are not looking for a relationship or we are not on an ascension journey still by gaining this knowledge of self at the least we can conveniently demand and deliver help when needed or when being asked or sense a need for. 

These love languages are not just for romantic dynamics but for any kind of relationships based on love. 

In my opinion Most common 7 love languages are: 

1: Words of affirmation, ( keep reminding and assuring that the person is loved ) 

2: Quality time, ( spend quality time doing fun things together ) 

3: Acts of service, ( serve each other and/or the world in a loving way, taking care of each other and/ or everyone around ) 

4: Physical touch, ( cuddles, kisses, holding hands, lovemaking, massages) 

5: Receiving gifts, ( buying & receiving thoughtful gifts and giving & having physical things to hold onto)

6: Meaningful conversations, ( sharing  thoughts, feelings, ideas, experiences, participating in deep heartfelt conversations not just shallow and artificial small talks ) 

7: Similar passion/hobby. ( sharing similar hobbies, interests and passion) 

Which one is yours?! 

 

I hope this has helped 

Wishing you all endless joy 

Namaste 

 

Is reading not your thing ?! Not a problem. All my articles are now also available in audio format.

Feel free to keep me as your companion on the go with my pod-show “I-effect”.

 

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