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Jul 23, 2020 in 

Arranged marriages vs Love marriages

Some tips to improve partnership bond

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Shivani Patel

Life Coach

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I have spoken to quite a few people recently who struggling to find love in arranged marriage situations.

I want to dedicate this article towards this scenario.

Some of them I spoke feels envious towards people who are in love marriages and deeply in love or display affection and understanding towards each other and project a fulfilled and content partnership examples and situation outwards.

The bunch who feels these emotions lacking in their situation, wants to experience this ultimate bond between partners in any given situation in their lives too.

So today I want to address this and share my views on this,

First of all I want to state that in any case, one should never compare ones life with others because every person’s lessons and journeys are different, and the earlier you embrace this the better it is for you. 

Secondly it’s is very rear that one had fallen in love at first site, got married next day and lived happily ever after.

Each and every couple or partners have to work towards their relationships for it to work and run smoothly in general and all the situation have their own changes lessons learnings and experience.

Although The difference here are in the stages of relationships, As in my opinion normally the dynamic of marriage can be explained in these five prograceive stages.

Generally love marriage has got this 5 major stages in my opinion.

  1. Contact/conversation 
  2. Friendship
  3. Love 
  4. Marriage & then comes
  5. responsibility to maintain the bond constantly and constantly,

So basically it becomes two vs the rest as an equation of understanding in the end.

Where as on the other hand in arranged marriages what happens is Marriage shifts on number 1 position, but to feel the same bond we cannot go in continuation here 

I will explain why ?! 

If we go in order 

  • Marriage 
  • Responsibilities 
  • Conversations and so on! Than friendship and love get the last and least priorities, which ultimately weekens the bond because for a stronger bond it’s very important to accept the person entirely with their all flows & goodness because the situation we want to try and create is not of one vs one but we want an equation of two vs the rest so for two to become one or at lest come on one side the entire acceptance is must and for that friendship and love need to be established sooner rather than latter.

So what needs to be done instead is even though marriage skipped the sequence and jumped in front, we need to leave a decent gap between marriage and responsibilities for friendship and love to flourish, so the order becomes something like this,

  1. Marriage 
  2. Conversation 
  3. Friendship 
  4. Love  and than 
  5. responsibilities in general 

So when you decide to get into arranged marriage situation may it be because any reason according to your own circumstances one thing you must do is get to know and accept the person as they are with their good point as well as flows by leaving any expectations on the side and then try to merge both of the words together by knowing where they are coming  from & putting on to the table your point of view, this will for sure ease the transition.

Now the ones for whom the time has passed and it’s already too late to accommodate this long process, as this can sometimes takes up to 10 to 15 years even more, for them there are two options in my view. 

  1. They can either give this situation more time by consciously putting efforts in accelerating this process and accomplishing this within short or targeted time, you can even take a help of coach if you are not sure or haven’t got a plan or don’t know where to start from but my advice would be if you are not willing to put an effort unconditionally with or without support than there are less chances for this process to work, solve the problem and serve it’s purpose. Remember there is no night in shining armour out there anywhere who will come and rescue you.. you will need to become your own superhero or Wonder Woman & start acting willingly towards saving your self and reaching safely to the shore. So be ready, willing and equipped.
  2. Or Independently from your daily lives with each other, spare some dedicated, compulsive and exclusive “you time” where you entirely focus on and put an effort on to trying and finding out your passions or your purpose for your self based on your values and try to create your own goals which screams and shouts at you from within not to die without completing, full filling and accomplishing them. Remember that romantic relationships are not entire life it’s just one aspect of life, there are lot of other things to achieve in the school of life and there are infinite possibilities on the earthy plan if you make a conscious choice to do so and after a while of travelling this route “on top of these achievements”, you will notice that you have started creating your own safe place and your own self love bubble around you as well. Now the condition in this is that both the partners need to do this independently but with an agreement by taking in to accounts both of your daily responsibilities and schedules. You need to work on this as a team working on two different tasks of a same goal, share your findings with each other, have a healthy competition, Again consider hiring a coach if needed to set smart goals, So basically what you are doing here is working on your own personal self love bubble but as a team. Two separate targets but one same motive, this in return will open the doors to merge these two bubbles at some point when they are fully developed as both the partners will have increased self worth, confidence and self love for them as individuals & a team players. That will create a team spirit between the two at the same time, both of the partners will fill their own cup of happiness independently & team spirit will help and provide the environment and space for friendship and eventually love to grow faster in an accelerated motion, and as I always say when you want to share and pour out from your cup your cup need to be filled first. 


When life throws lemons at you make a lemonade,  don’t stay stuck like lemon trees, feel free to get going and fill your cups. 


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