Jan 15, 2020 in Business Coaching
Identifying Where Problems Live
Problems tend to live in only four places - Check out this technique to quickly fins out where a problem lives.
How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
When someone comes to you with a problem in business, do you take time to find where that problem lives, or jump straight with possible solutions?
Taking a few seconds to identify where a problem lives, makes it much easier to quickly identify possible solutions.
This exercise is based on Robert Dilts Logical Levels, and the NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Meta Model. I was taught this technique by the fantastic NLP trainer Kathlee La Valle
Problems tend to live in four main places.
Values– Where you and other people are affected by action to be taken.
Beliefs – What you believe you can or cannot do.
Strategy– Do you know how to do something; have you been taught the skills.
Environment– Do you have the place and the equipment you need to accomplish the task.
Solving problems in each if these areas require a completely different approach.
Values and Beliefs are in the inside world and can only be solved by helping someone think and feel differently about the situation.
Values:If someone’s values are compromised, they will not be able to work effectively, because they are being asked to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable.
Beliefs:If someone does not believe they can do something, when they have the skills to do it, they need help in changing their limiting beliefs
Strategy and Environment are in the outside world and can only be solved with teaching how to do something, and making sure people have the right tools and workspace to do this.
Strategy:If someone does not know how to do something, and are stuck until they get training to learn how to do this
Environment: If someone does not have the equipment needed or place to work, they can’t do their job effectively.
The quickest way to identify in which area the problem lives is by asking NLP Meta Model Questions.
These questions help retrieve information that someone has in their head, but have not verbalised.
When we speak we naturally edit what we say, and leave a lot of information out. To clarify a situation in business, we need to retrieve as much information quickly to be able to help.
Here is an example of this in action:
If someone says “I can’t do this?” the first thing you need to clarify is what specifically can’t they do. This seems like common sense, but often people assume they know what the other person is referring to and take action based on that assumption.
For this example, when someone says “I can’t do this” The first Meta Model question is “What specifically can’t you do?”
The answer is “I can’t do this report”
Now we need to find out the reason that they can’t do this report, and we do this by asking “What is stopping you?”
This is a very effective question to ask, because it makes people think before they answer.
So, let’s look at four possible answers:
“I can’t do this report, because when I do, it will affect the lives of many people in the organisation. This report is about how we will reduce the workforce and will result in redundancies.”
“I have been writing reports for years, but now I have been promoted and my reports are going to the board. I am not confident in writing reports for the board as I am nervous in case I get things wrong”
“We have changed the software system, the template I used for years for writing reports is not available on the new system. I don’t know how to access our report template on the new system.”
“My computer is not working. I have called IT support and am waiting for them to call me back”
By asking two questions “What specifically” and “What is stopping you?” when someone said “I can’t do this” we quickly identified where the problem lives.
When you identify that, it becomes much easier to come up with the right solution quickly.
So, the next time someone comes to you with a problem, stop and ask yourself “Do I know where this problem lives?” If your answer is no is this technique to find out.