Relationship Break up

In any situation where two people meet and bond in the context of a relationship. A considerable level of dependency on each other develops. When the relationship breaks down, voids are left in both people concerned and it can be unbearable for the couple or one person. In my nine years of relationship counselling/ family Psychotherapy, I have come across situations where most of the people affected, cannot distinguish between a temporary break up and a permanent break up; in the aftermath of a separation.

This is mainly due to behaviours or words uttered in the course of heated arguments prior to the other partner walking away. What we all fail to realise is the fact that during a quarrel, we may say what we don’t mean or what has been brought about by frustration as a result of bottling in on matters that could have been easily discussed and resolved before they spiralled of control.

Anyway; regardless of how bad the situation may look. There are different ways of looking at the situation and starting over again on a clean slate. Nonetheless, it all depends on how much the two people involved are prepared to make an effort to get back from where they left it off or whether they want to engage in a more amicable and civil manner to pave the way forward or even make a complete closure.  Either way; it’s not a matter of pride or ego. Those two factors must be eliminated in the first instance. We all want to love and be loved by those we choose to be in a relationship. To that end. It’s well worth our efforts to fight for our love and happiness. We deserve to be happy. Where children are involved. This matter must be treated with utmost sensitivity because they are our responsibility and we owe them a great measure of stability. 

Now; getting back to the most important aspect of distinguishing a temporary or permanent break up. In the aftermath of a separation. Individuals must take time to reflect on what went wrong and if they could have done something for a better outcome or if they can still try to rectify whatever it was that led to the disagreement. Maybe it’s something that they can approach in a different way; compromise, agree to disagree or it just wasn’t possible to resolve without the other person meeting them halfway?  Did they do whatever they did because of what other people might think or they just want to make up to save face? Be true to yourself. After all; it’s only two people within a relationship and that is what really matters. 

Some people may even get reduced to a sense  of helplessness as they wait for a phone call that may never come. 

Having said all this. There is hope and there is absolutely nothing wrong in being the bigger person by picking up that phone and taking action to make things work out. A problem discussed is a problem half solved. Remember, picking up from  where you left is a gradual process