Article cover image
Apr 8, 2021 in 

No one can fix it.

If you've been hurt in a relationship in the past, it can lead to so many negative emotions when it comes to dating again.

Rita Hurry's profile photo
Rita Hurry

Life Coach

view profile

55 Publications

644 Helpful

Suggested Topics

Follow the topics of your interest and stay updated on what matters to you.

Over the weekend I was watching another guilty pleasure programme on tv - Married at First Sight Australia.

On the show, one of the contestants had been hurt emotionally in relationships in the past so many times that she was a wreck emotionally. She had a lot of trust issues and was bringing up her 3 children on her own isn't easy.

This is a very hard situation and when you have been hurt in a relationship in the past, it can lead to so many negative emotions when it comes to dating and trusting another man again.

But the biggest error that is being made here, is her search for a man to make her feel safe again and to take away that fear and look after her. Ladies - a man cannot do that for you. Even if he is the most kindest and loving man there is on this planet, a man cannot fix you. In fact, no one can fix anyone. That's the individual's responsibility.

I felt that the professionals should not have even placed her with a partner, as it was so obvious she was not ready. All she kept saying was how she had been hurt and she just wanted all that pain to be taken away by a man.

Never give this responsibility to another. We can only let go of pain, through inner work that we do for ourselves. Relationships should not be used to repair yourself but should be there to compliment who we are and to be enjoyed and shared. They should never be used to fix things and to try to make you whole again.

It's not fair on your partner and it's not fair on you. When you depend on another, you allow yourself to be the weaker person and if that person cannot ease the fear, you blame them. That's unfair and of course, that leads to expectations shattered.

Ladies, I urge you never to take the action of finding another relationship to heal your broken heart and pain. Heal your broken heart and pain first and then once healed fully, then start dating.

Learn to start falling in love with yourself first and getting to know you first. Be your own best friend first and stop trying to fill that void that is missing with another.

Now I am not saying you should not be open to dating and the possibility of a new relationship. But what I am saying is give yourself time to heal. Give yourself the time to be strong in yourself from a place of love and joy first.

No one wants to be with someone who has high expectations of them and expects them to solve every problem that a person has. We all have our own unique journey to experience and to look after ourselves is a full-time journey in itself, so compliment that. Enjoy that with each other. Be a team but don't be dependent.

The ability to overcome past hurt is within us just have to be willing to open your heart and mind to you and take the time to repair that first, before bringing another into your own life.

So ladies, give up the serial dating and dependency and become the strength you need through healing and connection to self.

Trust'll be so glad you did. It makes for a much happier relationship in the future.

Original article:

Suggested Topics

Follow the topics of your interest and stay updated on what matters to you.

Related articles

Life Coach

What is life coaching and how does it differ?

Ann Verster  | 12 found this helpful

Why You Need A Life Coach

Most people have no idea if they need a life coach or what a life coach is or does. Here I will explain what a life Coach is

Shanane Fleming  | 10 found this helpful

What is Life Coaching

Life Coaching is Mentoring with a Twist. We are not here to coach you with no results. We hold you Accountable !

Chasity Miller   | 4 found this helpful

What Life Coaching can do for YOU!

What Life Coaching can do for YOU!

Bogdan Lungu  | 11 found this helpful