Apr 8, 2021 in Life Coaching

No one can fix it.

If you've been hurt in a relationship in the past, it can lead to so many negative emotions when it comes to dating again.

13 members found this to be effective.

It's your turn now! Let's support each other by clicking "Helpful".

Ava Garcia

16 Nov

How do I fix a marriage after cheating??

My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help

Answer 131 answers • 6 Experts joined

Caligirl

16 Nov

Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him

Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?

Answer 109 answers • 6 Experts joined

Huttslady

16 Nov

Help

We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?

Answer 108 answers • 6 Experts joined

Caligirl

16 Nov

Idk what to do

My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them

Answer 76 answers • 6 Experts joined

Ashleigh

16 Nov

Lost and confused at a crossroads

My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling

Answer 78 answers • 4 Experts joined

Diya Singh

16 Nov

How can I get my teen to confide in me

I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this

Answer 149 answers • 14 Experts joined

Mommy22

16 Nov

What do I do?

I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.

Answer 119 answers • 6 Experts joined

John Hayward

16 Nov

I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.

He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?

Answer 113 answers • 4 Experts joined

Martha Diaz

16 Nov

Shared custody

It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?

Answer 70 answers • 5 Experts joined

Christie

16 Nov

What should I do?

My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD

Answer 69 answers • 3 Experts joined

Over the weekend I was watching another guilty pleasure programme on tv - Married at First Sight Australia.

On the show, one of the contestants had been hurt emotionally in relationships in the past so many times that she was a wreck emotionally. She had a lot of trust issues and was bringing up her 3 children on her own isn't easy.

This is a very hard situation and when you have been hurt in a relationship in the past, it can lead to so many negative emotions when it comes to dating and trusting another man again.

But the biggest error that is being made here, is her search for a man to make her feel safe again and to take away that fear and look after her. Ladies - a man cannot do that for you. Even if he is the most kindest and loving man there is on this planet, a man cannot fix you. In fact, no one can fix anyone. That's the individual's responsibility.

I felt that the professionals should not have even placed her with a partner, as it was so obvious she was not ready. All she kept saying was how she had been hurt and she just wanted all that pain to be taken away by a man.

Never give this responsibility to another. We can only let go of pain, through inner work that we do for ourselves. Relationships should not be used to repair yourself but should be there to compliment who we are and to be enjoyed and shared. They should never be used to fix things and to try to make you whole again.

It's not fair on your partner and it's not fair on you. When you depend on another, you allow yourself to be the weaker person and if that person cannot ease the fear, you blame them. That's unfair and of course, that leads to expectations shattered.

Ladies, I urge you never to take the action of finding another relationship to heal your broken heart and pain. Heal your broken heart and pain first and then once healed fully, then start dating.

Learn to start falling in love with yourself first and getting to know you first. Be your own best friend first and stop trying to fill that void that is missing with another.

Now I am not saying you should not be open to dating and the possibility of a new relationship. But what I am saying is give yourself time to heal. Give yourself the time to be strong in yourself from a place of love and joy first.

No one wants to be with someone who has high expectations of them and expects them to solve every problem that a person has. We all have our own unique journey to experience and to look after ourselves is a full-time journey in itself, so compliment that. Enjoy that with each other. Be a team but don't be dependent.

The ability to overcome past hurt is within us all...you just have to be willing to open your heart and mind to you and take the time to repair that first, before bringing another into your own life.

So ladies, give up the serial dating and dependency and become the strength you need through healing and connection to self.

Trust me...you'll be so glad you did. It makes for a much happier relationship in the future.

Original article: https://swasthyaliving.com/blog/f/no-one-can-fix-it