Sep 15, 2021 in Life Coaching
How Emotional Resistance Can Impact Your Overall Wellbeing
“People don’t resist change. They resist being changed.” – Peter M. Senge
How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
“People don’t resist change. They resist being changed.” – Peter M. Senge
Emotional resistance implies the avoidance of feelings and unconscious emotions hidden under the surface. It relates to facing the true nature of oneself since we all have a shadow-self that we don’t allow others to see.
The danger inherent with emotional resistance is that it gives way to unconscious actions that threaten one’s wellbeing. We deny emotions that seek expression from within, believing they are unnecessary thus causing ourselves harm. The more one pushes up against their emotions, the harder they push back. Imagine two people involved in a tug of war. There is a bottomless pit diving them as they stand on either side, tugging at the rope. Person A is pulling against the emotion, while person B is the emotion itself (anger, hatred, anxiety, sadness, etc). The harder person A pulls against the emotion, the harder person B will pull back as they both fear being pulled into the bottomless pit.
Imagine for a moment if person A let go of the rope so that there was no resistance. What do you think might happen to the emotion? It has no option other than to surrender. That is precisely what happens when we detach from fueling the emotion. The more energy we give the unwanted emotion, the more it seeks expression within us. Energy Flows Where Attention Goes.
Often a conscious decision to change allows one to become free of the crippling emotion which has had a vice-like grip on them. In order to move forward, resistance must be given up. This can be a challenging aspect since we take ownership of the emotion by identifying with it. We assume ownership of it by telling ourselves that we are the emotion. Therefore by consciously choosing to let go of it, we feel as though we are abandoning ourselves. Change is a scary process since we step into the unknown. What if I don’t like the person I become when I have released control of the emotion?
This is the challenging part of the acceptance process. It is part of the release mechanism which the ego disallows. When one identifies with the ego-self instead of the true self, this can cause internal conflicts. As stated earlier, the ego offers resistance that you have no need to abandon. We must continue through to the unknown, knowing safe ground is ready to greet us on the other side.
Below is a three-step plan which allows conscious control of moving through the process of abandoning the unwanted emotion. Practice patience and persistence as you move through it. Continually ask yourself – Does this emotion serve my highest growth? You will be guided to know what to do next as you navigate your way through.
Awareness or mindfulness is the idea of noticing thought patterns that you entertain on a daily basis. It is the practice of ‘consciously bringing your thoughts to the forefront of your mind.’ Observing your thoughts without getting invested in them. Observing your thoughts as an outsider would. There are many great books on the subject and I would certainly encourage you to read Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. Many people navigate live unconscious to the thoughts they entertain daily. Many of these thoughts become unconscious thus manifesting as unconscious emotions.
Once you’ve become aware of your thoughts, it’s time to make a commitment toward empowering yourself with the new thought model. We start setting goals, to achieve them. This might include replacing self-sabotaging thoughts with empowering ones, which move you in the direction of what you hope to become. You might see yourself becoming calmer amidst a tempered moment. You see, the successful mind draws unique insights continually even during the most challenging times. You have to subject yourself to that environment in order to allow your mind and body to adapt in the long term.
Ok, you’re now aware and committed to advancing forward with managing your emotions. Training is simply that. Training the new thought model until it becomes second nature. The most challenging aspect of developing a new thought pattern is naturally you might slip back into your old thought pattern from time to time. This is normal and to be expected. When it happens be aware of it – then as much as possible get yourself back on the new thought pattern. Eventually, your new model of behaviour will be deeply implanted into your subconscious mind.
So have fun, enjoy the process and commit to becoming a little better each time! The rewards are endless as you start living the life of your dreams. Hurdles are overcome and obstacles are no longer giant brick walls.
Original article: https://www.tonyfahkry.com/how-emotional-resistance-can-impact-your-overall-wellbeing/