Sep 13, 2021 in Life Coaching
Why Worry is Always Based on the Future, While Gratitude is in the Here and Now
What preoccupies your mind with worry? Why do you worry? Is it to maintain a sense of control?
How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
The Mind Cannot Be Trusted
“I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that.” — Byron Katie
What preoccupies your mind with worry? Why do you worry? Is it to maintain a sense of control? Perhaps you feel engaged in something you are powerless over? I want you to recognise whether the worry is serving you, so you can break the cycle and find inner peace. Yes, it is possible to let go of worrying, but it will require work on your part. So, are you committed to changing? If so, let me show you how to go from worrying to a state of inner freedom.
Here’s an idea to consider: When we worry, our mind is projected into the future, since we believe we cannot handle what will happen. Therefore, worrying is trying to control something we have little or no control over. Author and psychotherapist David Richo echoes this sentiment in his book The Five Things We Cannot Change, where he states: “We worry because we do not trust ourselves to handle what happens to us. We worry because we do not trust that the way the chips fall will work out for the best. We worry because we have not yet said yes.”
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The key to overcoming our worries is to recognise the mind cannot be trusted, given its inherent negativity bias. Evolutionary psychologists believe the brain has adapted to thousands of years of evolution to screen for inherent danger. When humankind first roamed the Savannah centuries ago, assessing for a potential threat, it was an important period in our brain’s evolution. Yet, nowadays, the threat is no longer necessary, however, our biology has not caught up. In other words: Our mind still looks for a threat to our safety and survival, even though the threat isn’t as imminent. Nonetheless, we mustn’t allow ourselves to worry about something that may or may not happen. We can safely remind ourselves all is well and redirect our attention to what we are grateful for, here and now.
Uncertainty Needn’t Mean Worry Or Fear
“Leave everything undefined, including yourself. Befriend uncertainty. Fall in love with mystery. Kneel at the altar of Not Knowing. Give your questions time to breathe. And the answers will find you.” — Jeff Foster
Are you happy with this idea so far? Can you appreciate your mind is engineered to help you survive? Therefore, we mustn’t get stuck in incessant worry, but reorientate ourselves back to the present moment. Each time we ground ourselves in the present moment, we strengthen neural pathways in the brain. It requires practice, patience and persistence to notice our habit of worrying. If we can practice shifting our attention from the future to the here and now, we will see positive changes in our life.
To express it differently: We must learn to observe ourselves when worrying and create a space between the observing mind and the worrying mind. It involves inhabiting our mind and body instead of letting our mind wander into the future. In the same way, we have taught ourselves to worry, we can train ourselves to be grounded in the present moment through mindfulness. It is why anchoring ourselves in gratitude can help us let go of worry since it is the bridge between the present moment and the future. In other words: Gratitude is choosing to look at reality through a new filter instead of worry, anxiety, and fear. Yes, the future is uncertain, but uncertainty needn’t equate to worry and fear. Uncertainty can be filled with unlimited possibilities that can benefit us. It involves keeping an open mind and not catastrophising situations beyond our control.
Training In Awareness
“The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival.” — Aristotle
Is this something you’re willing to practice? Can you give yourself the gift of releasing your worries and fears by anchoring yourself in the present moment? You are worthy of self-love and negative emotions such as worry, anxiety and fear cloud your judgment. They are the fake news of the mind and an illusion that keeps you trapped and isolated. But this needn’t be your reality if you’re willing to rewrite a new script for the future.
And here’s the thing: Gratitude allows us to focus on what is real and fix ourselves in this state. Gratitude is the language of love because it is grounded in appreciation. We cultivate a loving heart through the power of acceptance. Therefore, we ought to focus on what is tangible, instead of succumbing to the illusory states of mind. Even though the mind tries to convince us, the future is uncertain and terrifying; it is a fabricated narrative invented by the ego. But it needn’t be this way because we have the power to redirect our attention to the present moment.
Practices such as breathwork, mindfulness and meditation are helpful to navigate fear, worry and anxiety. For example, we can practise sitting alone in silence and focus on our breath. As we breathe in and out, we safely anchor ourselves to the present moment. Similarly, through mindfulness, we learn to bring our attention to the present moment when our mind wanders to the future. Meditation is the practice of training in awareness and detaching from our thoughts, so we become the observer. We can follow our breath while meditating and notice the bodily sensations that rising and fall. This powerful practice is a portal to the here and now and a practice we can cultivate daily. Even though the mind has a negative bias toward danger, we can change our response to worry by being mindful of our thoughts. After all, each time we focus on gratitude, we strengthen neural pathways in the brain, which ultimately become our new reality.
Original article: https://www.tonyfahkry.com/why-worry-is-always-based-on-the-future-while-gratitude-is-in-the-here-and-now/