Dec 16, 2019 in Business Coaching
How to help teams, you and teens deal with change
How do you get people to change who really don't want to?
How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
Every business needs everyone that works for it to behave and act in a certain way. This becomes a problem when team members feel like change is being forced upon them for the sake of change.
And like the proverbial teenager in my experience the more you try to enforce best practices the more you can face individuals who seem to deliberately fighting you.
Before you can educate someone on why something needs to be like this, or that system is coming into place or this is changing to that, you need to listen. If you don’t listen then people can feel disengaged, unappreciated and out of touch with the company. This leads to reduced productivity, grape vine gossip, stress, absenteeism, a lack of creativity and all of that impacts on the companies results. Ask open ended questions with no agenda and really listen.
It is amazing how many companies I’ve coached this year that didn’t have a communication policy. And yet as we work together I often here;
- I didn’t know you did that.
- I didn’t know you read every email I sent.
- I didn’t know I could do that!
The list is long and all adds up to a team not knowing the company’s natural style of communication. If you have an open-door policy – write it down – communicate it.
If you have reports that make your day long on the last Friday of every month – ask for some space – write it down – communicate it.
Teams work very well together when they understand each other and knowing how and when to communicate and what it is safe to say are imperative.
Employers and leaders often tell me “they’ve had training” however when we work together often as a team, I hear things like;
- I hate training online – I can’t keep up.
- I know I had training on this, so I didn’t say anything.
- I can’t go to the IT team and ask for help – that’s not their job.
It is related to communication but enabling people to explore how they learn best and what stands in their way reduces obstacles and negativity towards change.
One of the biggest things that stop people from doing something new or different is fear;
- What if I can’t do it.
- What if I don’t get it as fast as everyone else.
- I don’t understand this, I can’t tell anyone, I will look like an idiot.
- I’m the manager I can hardly ask my staff for help!
- If we change then I’m out of a job!
- The old way worked better!
- It’s so complicated!
Look for the statements that sound final, they will give you clues on how your team feel about the change you wish to implement. Don’t dismiss silly minor issues. They usually hide the big issue that stops someone from adjusting. I’ve seen it thousands and thousands of times. When a person feels listened to and respected and feel safe with no judgement – wow it can be powerful and not just for the individual.
Out dated beliefs
Trying to change an outdated belief is not going to work by telling them they have to. After listening, educating and breaking down fears you need to find out what that person actually believes. Interestingly if someone feels part of the process, if they feel like they know the companies mission, vision and goals they are far more likely to get involved. So fighting an outdated mindset won’t work. Coaching will. It enables the individual to take ownership for their way of thinking and the impact that it has on their actions and results. This leads to a change in perspective and that is where the power is.
Ultimately everyone has to get on board (without very good reason not to – in which case, listen to what those reasons may be). Ensure everyone knows what is expected of them. Yes, we want to help you move forward and yes we will help you break down the barriers to achieving this however when do you feel this will be achievable by? How will you measure results? How will you further their support if they get stuck or bogged down? Knowing this before change is implemented can make a massive difference.
And lastly don’t tell people they need to change. People don’t like change; they like to feel safe and know what is going to happen. Change has a lot of meanings to people and assuming they are good meanings is dangerous. Use phrases like “We need to look at ways to move forward” this is far less scary, since most of us can put one foot in front of the other. And ultimately as coaching teaches us, everyone moves forward at different speeds – no one speed is right. We are all unique and so is our ability to adapt. These tips should help you help your team too.
For more ideas and coaching tips that work, get in touch. Mandie@mandieholgate.co.uk 01206 381482