Jun 20, 2019 in Coaching

A Fine Romance, Is Not A Dating App! by Gail De Souza, Love Coach

The idea of romance would fall flat if you imagine your future child asking how did you meet? Oh I swiped to the left...,

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A Fine Romance, Is Not A Dating App!

As a love Coach, I was on a forum where the conversation amongst coaches was how to answer one of the questions presented on a dating app. 

I personally am not one who advocates on-line dating or apps, however there is a place for those who may be an introvert or something else. 

However, whilst the plumage was lifted amongst these love gurus showcasing their replies with flirty or direct comments there was a voice amongst the crowd chirping that some people would not have the eloquent way to respond or confidence. 

Online dating is a booming industry and chat rooms are brimming with keen individuals of all ages looking for love or a hook up. This brings me to the point of what life was like prior to on-line dating and how did our parents or grandparents date?

The idea of romance would fall flat if you imagine your future child or grandchildren asking how did you meet? Oh I swiped to the left a couple of times then the right and saw a semi-good-looking guy and I pinged him. 

Or, I spent nights sifting through stories of people some of which turned out to be lies, then sifted through some more and then half a decent person asked me on  a date. However, on meeting we went for a lovely meal and then they asked me back for coffee and next minute they pounced on me because the anticipation of spending months typing back and forth over a computer, the thrill a living person in front of them meant anything goes. Now if this sounds romantic, well I suggest you stop reading.

The old adage of you have to kiss a hundred frogs before you find the one springs to mind, but on the virtual highway these kisses tend to be a fantasy. Each time you get that notification of you’ve got mail, you start to feel your getting to know a person but then it gets cold as the person you were investing your heart into found someone else in 5 minutes due to the pool of 100’s of potentials at a click of few buttons.

Does this actually boost your confidence especially when you were trying to write something witty or heartfelt only to have the “on-line dating shut down” of your computer and you loose everything. You didn’t actually meet the person for they disappeared. Painful as it may sound you still invested a part of yourself but you never even got a return on investment to go on a date. 

It’s evident that you need the confidence of opening your heart, for love is about the connection between two people. Getting to know them and the flow of this can only happen when the person is in front of you.  Ultimately, you have to develop your confidence to date a person who sees you whole and complete as you build up towards an intimate connection after a series of dates, which on-line does not offer. 

On a personal note, I would consider myself to be confident but when it came to love, I too had to enlist the help of a love expert, so that I stopped repeating my patterns and to help me navigate through the dating world to create my own romantic script of not having to use on-line dating apps because I simply detested them.

One scenario that pops up when I think of on-line dating is you spent weeks chatting to the person then you go on that date. As a person who formally worked in the dental industry the first thing I look out for, is do they have good oral hygiene?  Now the person I spent time getting to know was in front of me. Have discernment for one of my own filters would be checking whether they had bad plaque or bad oral hygiene. The thought of having to kiss this frog would make me heave and the date would end as quick as it would take to put a computer on to make the next trawl of on-line dating sifting. Therefore, doing the dating dance on-line would be a non starter. 

Is society turning to on-line as their matchmaker and does this mean that a lot of people see this as the only option? Where is the romance I ask?

Going back to questions on dating site, they should ask “How many times are you prepared to get rejected or reject a person before you go on an actual date?” Or without being harsh “when was the last time you went to the dentist and how often do you go?”.

No matter what, whoever you connect with you still have to date in person, even if the person is your soulmate and love at first sight, you have to go on that first date.  

So, should we use the questions asked on dating sites to help build up your own profile as to know what you want in a relationship. Human interaction is key, whether you choose to enlist the help of a love Coach or supportive family & friends to starting the dating process. 

In truth, by taking ourself’s to places of interest and doing hobbies we truly like, increases the likelihood of meeting a prospective love interest who has similar tastes and your having fun in the meantime. And, for those introverts, I sincerely suggest you invest in a Love Coach to help you build up your confidence, and for them to have an impartial approach, with a mutual goal of you finding love.

The difference from when our parents and grandparents dated, is that we have more information at our fingertips and many taboos have been lifted. All, I can do is reassure you, that you can hope for the love of your life and have faith that it could happen at any moment as you develop your own fine romance.

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