Jan 22, 2022 in Life Coaching
Stress…a personal story
A personal story regarding my response to stress and how I managed to overcome
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How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
Stress is killing you.
Ok maybe that statement is a bit dramatic. Stress doesn’t cause death, but it’s definitely linked to ailments that DO cause death like heart disease, cancer, lung ailments, cirrhosis of the liver and suicide. To name a few. I could post a whole lot of data that confirms this, but instead I will share a personal story about how stress forced me to change my life.
A few years ago I was living what I thought was a simple life. I went to work, I went to the gym and went home to an empty apartment. Simple. What wasn’t simple was the vehicle I owned that constantly needed repair and was eating all my savings, nor was it the people I had in my life that only wanted me when they needed me, nor was it that I was unhappy despite all my protestations that I wasn’t. But I didn’t really think much of any of this because stress is a part of life. Right? Besides, I was practicing stress management by going to the gym and eating well and through my spiritual practices. Right?
My spiritual practice at the time was Ayahuasca. I had been attending ceremonies almost every month for my mental health. It was after one of these ceremonies that I started to feel like something was wrong with me. Physically I mean. I don’t like visiting the doctor, but the feeling nagged and so after seeing someone and telling them of my symptoms, I was sent for an ultrasound. The results were not what I had expected. The test showed a growth on my pancreas. The doctor was not kind in his delivery of the news or my chances if it was cancer. Which he seemed to think it was. Seven to nine months he offered me. He scheduled me for a CT scan, but that would be months away.
I told one person. One. His advice? Change everything. Change the way you eat, who you talk to, what you read…everything. And I did. From meat eater to vegetarian. No more social media. I zealously cut out people in my world. I stayed away from too much ‘research’ on pancreatic cancer. I listed to healing frequencies. I took the alternative supplements. I courted my blessings and practiced more gratitude. And then I finally told someone else. My shaman.
He offered much the same advice as my friend. And he added…belief and work. He told me that his teachers had taught his this lesson. ‘With absolute belief and determination one can heal from anything.’ I took that into the ceremony with me. The ceremony which happened to be three days before my CAT scan.
It’s difficult to describe what happens during an Ayahuasca ceremony. The medicine, the icaros (healing songs), the mapacho (tobacco), the shaman singing and praying over you. I could feel the medicine at work inside me. I knew the shaman had asked the medicine to help me. I had faith that she would. I believed she would.
Even so I was nervous during the scan and the days afterwards while I waited for the results. And the results were negative! In fact they could find nothing. Whatever was there was not there now. You can call it what you like. I call it a miracle.
You may be asking what does all this have to do with stress. I shared this for two reasons.
Reason one. My life, though simple, was riddled with stress. I had food and a roof over my head and a job, but I worried about money. Spending time on social media had me comparing myself with others. Even though I loved being on my own I was lonely. Fearful of being alone. And when I had bad news I refused to ask for help. I didn’t want to worry or burden anyone with my problems. A trauma response that is unhealthy. My gym sessions were not enough to offset my stress. My stress manifested physically so I would notice it and take action.
If we don’t acknowledge our stress and manage it properly it has the potential to injure us in ways we may not see or feel until it is too late. Which brings me to reason two.
There are many ways to manage stress. My chosen ways may not be for everyone and that's ok. Exercise, meditation, breath work are some of the more popular ways, but it can be anything really. Art, dance, cooking, gardening. How about a Jig Saw puzzle?!
Know your stresses. It’s not easy to admit that you can’t handle everything or that something is bothering you even if others don’t seem affected by it.
Ask for help. At the very least talk about what is stressing you.
Give yourself credit and compassion. We are a work in progress. Always.
Stress is not going away, but we can manage it in a way that is not detrimental to our health or our relationships. I hope you find your ways. If you need some help, let me know.
ps. If you are looking for more information may I suggest the book 'When The Body Says No' by author Gabor Mate. Lots of references to scientific research regarding stress and how it affects us mentally and physically.