May 31, 2023 in Coaching
Dear Katherine: My two girls are in competition over everything!
Learn how to build a stronger bond between your kids and create a peaceful environment in my newest blog entry:
It's your turn now! Let's support each other by clicking "Helpful".
How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
Dear Katherine: My two girls are in competition over everything!
Hello, Conscious Parents! Welcome to “Dear Katherine,” a monthly Q&A with real-life parents/caregivers. If you’d like to submit a question of your own, email me at email@example.com.
My two girls, aged 8 and 11, won’t stop fighting! It’s like they’re in competition for everything: who gets the bigger piece of pie, who can finish their homework fastest, even who gets to take a shower first! I know sibling rivalry is normal, but I just want them to stop squabbling. Can you help me?
— Looking for Peace of Mind
Dear Looking for Peace of Mind,
You’re definitely not alone. Siblings have always butted heads — and they probably always will. Even the Bible features a well-known story about a boy named Joseph whose 11 older brothers sold him into slavery after their father gifted him with a multicolored coat. Talk about green with envy!
Add to myWE:
The rivalry your girls are experiencing is completely normal (and thankfully less dramatic than Joseph’s), but I certainly understand your plea to stop the squabbling. First, it’s important to realize that sibling competition is rooted in a fight for parental attention. Simply put, your kids are vying to be #1 in your eyes. A lot of times we can make it worse if we pick to take one child’s side, leaving the other feeling like they weren’t understood. The key here is to be the mediator between them, helping them and listening to their side stories on an equal footing on how to interact with them and teach effective communication.
As parents and caregivers, of course, we love our children equally. The hard part is determining how to interact with them according to their unique personalities and needs. If our kids are “belongers” who don’t want to risk your disapproval, it can be easier to be with them than our autonomous kids who are so self-directed and do risk our disapproval! To the autonomous child, it can feel like you favor the other. In turn, this can make the acting out even more severe. It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy — “see, you always take her side,” “see, you do love her more than me.”
How do you show your daughters that they’re special to you, each in their own way?
Celebrate uniqueness. Children need to know that they have distinctive gifts as individuals. Encourage your daughters to hone and develop their hobbies and interests. If one loves to sing and the other plays the piano, why not stage a duet? Find ways to demonstrate that their individuality contributes to a richer family life.
Teach effective communication. When a fight erupts, give your children space to calm down. Once they’re ready, bring them together to discuss what triggered the conflict. Was one sister hurt that the other didn’t want to share a favorite toy? Does the little one feel insecure seeing her older sibling do things without supervision? Teaching your daughters loving and open communication will foster a better mutual understanding so they can respond to each other with empathy, learn how to interact with them and teach effective communication and listen to their side stories.
Create moments for bonding. Life is busy, but in the midst of the chaos, kids still crave warmth and attention. And purposeful bonding is important for parents, too. Even just 15 minutes of cuddling or reading a bedtime story will do wonders for your relationship with your children — and their relationship with each other.
I hope these suggestions help bring more peace to your home. Sibling relationships can be complex, but with patience, understanding, and effective communication, your daughters can learn to navigate their differences and develop a stronger bond.
Love and Blessings,