Jan 10, 2023 in Coaching
Dear Katherine: My Son Gets Anxious When We’re Apart
As parents, we should never tell our kids that their feelings are bad, scary, or wrong. Read more:
It's your turn now! Let's support each other by clicking "Helpful".
How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
My son is very nervous whenever we’re apart. When he’s at school, he wants me to be working from home so he knows that I’m there. Even if I’m just around the block, he stresses out about it.
He’s afraid that I won’t come back or that I won’t come to pick him up.
He’s 10 years old, and I want him to enjoy school and other activities that I’m not present for.
What can I do?
Trying My Best
Trying My Best,
My heart goes out to your son. He’s dealing with some big feelings! Your situation sounds like a classic case of separation anxiety.
What I want to emphasize first and foremost is that it’s perfectly okay for him to have these feelings. Everything we experience in life serves a purpose—even our most negative emotions. We should never tell our kids that their feelings are bad, scary, or wrong. Doing so is one of the biggest parenting mistakes we can make.
Add to myWE:
True self-acceptance has to come first if you want your son to be able to change. When we judge ourselves or our children, we create an unsafe environment for this transformation to take place.
I have two pieces of advice to help you both through this challenging period:
1. Be a supportive parent while your son sits with his feelings.
Your son needs to learn how to be with the parts of him that are anxious instead of letting them define him. Help him create space between him and his anxiety. You can start by talking about it together.
Try saying, “Wow, something inside you is feeling really worried.” Provide space for him to talk about his concerns and how they make something in him feel. With practice, he’ll be able to turn toward these scary feelings, understand what they’re trying to tell him, and get bigger than what’s bugging him.
Remember, your son can only understand these feelings if can separate them from his identity. If he thinks that he is anxious, instead of recognizing that something inside of him feels anxious, he won’t be able to accurately assess any associated feelings.
This approach will help your son cope with negative feelings for the rest of his life. But there are other immediate actions you can take that will help his anxiety, too.
2. Find ways to be with him, without being with him physically.
Separation anxiety is a common issue in parent-child relationships. Fortunately, you can help your child feel connected to you even when you’re apart. Together, brainstorm ideas that could help him through the day.
Here are a couple to get you started, but this should be a collaborative effort with your child:
- Give him a photo of you to keep in his pocket. When your son misses you, he can take out the photo and look at it to remember that you aren’t far away.
- Send him messages throughout the day. If your son has a phone that he can use at school, message him periodically to check in. No phone? No problem. Write him little notes to keep in his folders, lunchbox, or pencil case to remind him that you’re thinking of him.
Separation anxiety can be difficult for parents and children, but I know you two will get through it together!
Love and Blessings,
P.S. The Mother Side on Good Morning Washington (ABC7, WJLA) was so kind to have me discussing how we can be more mindful in our approach with our children! I’m so grateful to be able to introduce our gentle parenting all over the world. Thank you so much for supporting the Conscious Parenting Revolution message!