Oct 4, 2022 in Coaching
Dear Katherine: My Kids Love Video Games—Should I Be Concerned?
Video Games: how much is too much? Check out how to allow their freedom while also limiting their access.
It's your turn now! Let's support each other by clicking "Helpful".
How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
My kids love playing video games. They seem to take genuine pleasure in this activity, and while they’re occupied, I have a chance to do household chores and enjoy a little time to myself.
I know there are better hobbies out there—but if they like gaming and it gives me a bit of space, is that so wrong? Am I making a parenting mistake by letting them play?
Guilty As Charged
Hey there, Guilty As Charged,
First of all, you have nothing to feel guilty about here! Check your shame at the door. We’re all human.
Gaming—and screen-time in general—is a sore spot in many parent-child relationships. It’s hard to imagine eliminating these activities because, as you said, your kids enjoy playing video games, and you enjoy having some space. Not to mention that screen-time has become an undeniable part of children’s social lives.
Add to myWE:
But of course, “too much” of anything can be a problem.
So what constitutes “too much” in terms of gaming? The answer: It depends.
Rest assured that you probably don’t have to put an end to your kids’ gaming. This kind of hobby can have a place in a healthy, well-rounded child’s life. The issue is when it becomes an addiction.
I did a webinar with Cam Adair (founder of Game Quitters, the world’s largest support platform), who once struggled with video game addiction. He dropped out of school, lied to his parents about having a job, and eventually experienced suicidal ideation. At the height of his problem, he was gaming 16 hours a day.
We talked about how one of the risk factors for full-fledged gaming addiction is using video games as a coping mechanism or a means of escape. The amount of time someone spends gaming matters much less than why they’re gaming in the first place.
Here’s a good litmus test: If your child is gaming and you ask them to stop—for dinner, homework, or something else—are they capable of easily walking away? If so, there may not be cause for concern.
If they have trouble walking away, there may not be cause for concern either. If they are in the middle of getting to that next level at the very moment you call for them, they may just need a few more minutes!
It’s also important to take a holistic view of your kids’ lives outside of gaming.
Are they doing well in school?
Do they have nice friends?
Are they generally kind and happy?
Do they get proper exercise and nutrition?
The answers to those questions will help you determine if playing video games is a solution for another problem—or just another activity that brings your children joy.
If you are concerned, Game Quitters—Cam’s game addiction support community—is an excellent resource. But first, start a conversation with your kids about their gaming habits. Good old-fashioned quality time and better parent-child communication may be enough to keep them from entering unhealthy territory.
Tell your child that you want to spend time together as a family, and be sure to plan activities that excite them. Steer clear of using power and control because that is guaranteed to activate the 3Rs (retaliation, rebellion and resistance) and generate a resentment flow.
I hope this response gave you some peace of mind, Guilty As Charged. Your kids’ love for video games is likely healthy and normal.
Love and Blessings,
P.S. Do you have a gut feeling that your kid’s gaming obsession is an escape from other unmet needs? Watch our free webinar and take a deeper dive to understand how to get rid of retaliation, rebellion and resistance here.