Oct 21, 2021 in Coaching
Actions that will destroy ANY relationship
What kinds of things will destroy a healthy relationship? What turns things sour quickly either knowingly or unknowingly?
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How to avoid these actions which will destroy any relationship
You behave as though you aren’t in a relationship at all. Where is the commitment? Where is the accountability? Are you even thinking of how the other person is feeling?
What defines a loving, caring, responsible, trusting, loyal relationship? It takes TWO people. Not one person doing all the work while the other galavants around as if he/she is single and living it up! You can’t keep expecting so much from your partner and him/her to lay next to you when you have others believing you are SINGLE!
Okay, now here is where there is so much confusion in relationships. It has to do with money! One person is OVERLY spending while the other person is working twice as hard trying to catch up to pay the bills because the other person is blowing through money like water. All this goes back to as if you are pretending you are SINGLE. You ARE NOT single! If you only think of yourself and EXPECT the other person to give you what they don’t have then you need to be single!
Now men/women do believe that the one who works should/has to take care of them and let them blow through all that hard-earned money. Now not all men/women are like this, but those that see this know who you are and know you are wrong! Money isn’t deserved just because. It’s a privilege, not an expectancy of being with someone and then treating that partner that brings in the money as a nobody. What are you contributing to the funds?
You show NO interest in what your partner does. That’s just as harmful as keeping the person struggling to make ends meet then complaining they spend no time with you. How can they spend time with you now that they have to make up for the money you keep spending?
To break this dangerous and hazardous lifestyle, your partner (the one who makes the money) should go out and do things that they want to do for once, spend money on themselves and not give it to the spouse that takes their money for granted. There need to be ground rules set.
Do you find the person to be super insecure and over-sensitive about anything/everything? Now there is nothing wrong with someone who is sensitive but when that insecurity leads to jealous behavior, controlling what someone does or doesn’t do and they act as if they can’t trust you then there is a problem. Insecurities and being overly sensitive can create false stories/narratives that could be shared for no reason at all and is so damaging to the person that has done nothing wrong.
You have this habit of rolling your eyes, spouts of sarcasm, and not honoring/being loyal to your partner. Sometimes this behavior leads to unnecessary arguments and you don’t care if you hurt your partner or not. The relationship begins to go in a downhill spiral and one person becomes mean, unkind, and more. Now there is nothing wrong with having a laugh and having fun and teasing each other with no ill intent, but sometimes when it goes from fun and games to demoralizing and being hurtful just to be spiteful then there is a problem. Tell your partner how this makes you feel. Sometimes, what you think is funny to one person is inhumane to another and you are only deflecting your insecurities onto the other person to get a rise. It’s not funny. Nor good for the relationship.
Do you show any type of affection to your partner? Giving no affection to your partner is damaging in so many ways. When in a relationship you want to keep the spark going. Meaning, it takes work, time, effort, energy, and more.
People want to have a kiss goodbye or hello. A kiss just because. A hug just because. A message to let them know they are thought of. It shouldn’t be a one-sided thing where only one partner does everything and showers the partner in love, attention, affection, kisses, and hugs and the other one just takes and doesn’t reciprocate anything in return. If you want to make the relationship work you have to also take the initiative and don’t wait for your partner to be upset to them want to show them you “all of a sudden” care how they feel with a kiss or a hug or love.
Technology has become a big problem nowadays in relationships. One partner is constantly on their phone while the other is trying to tell them something they feel is important to them. Because of technology, this is another reason why relationships fail. Lack of communication, because someone wants to be glued to their phone rather than putting that same effort into their relationship.
I suggest putting your phones away. Have a set time to do this. Decide that for 2 or 3 hours maybe during dinner time or date night or something that you put your phone away and sit together and talk things over. Take a nice long walk and talk about things that have happened to you both during the day. Your social status on social media won’t change, I promise. The only thing that may change is you being left by the one you were with. From hero to zero!
There needs to be another word used instead of Nagging. To me, it’s not nagging if I’m telling you what is wrong and forcing my partner to see how things are making me feel. But men call it nagging and it can kill a relationship quickly, it used to also be called “The Marriage Killer”
Women want to be heard and men blow off what their partner has to say. They may:
-get to it later
-that can be put off
-give it to next week
-maybe they can invite a friend over to help (and they end up drinking instead)
-who wants to spend that type of money to fix that issue
-Counseling? NEVER! There is nothing wrong!
-Why are you blowing things out of proportion all the time?
Any of that sound familiar? So what is NAGGING in layman’s terms “one person makes a request and ignores it purposely and both become annoyed” This begins the annoying laughter, eye rolls, potential volatile nature, adultery, and bad finances because each person begins to ignore the other. How can this be fixed? Address the situation immediately.
If we are unhappy then we go for someone/something that will fill that void. Compulsive behaviors in a relationship are RED flags that need to be addressed. Do you indulge in shopping, food, alcohol, porn, etc, and disregard whether your partner knows what you do?
Own what you are doing and express what is making you do these things. Validate your feelings for your partner. It takes courage to admit what is going on with yourself. You cannot substitute your feelings with all these other things. It may only be a temporary fix, but not a permanent fix for you.
I shouldn’t have to say NOT LIE to your partner, but it seems I must tell DO NOT LIE to your partner. If you can’t trust that person then why are you with them?
If you feel unappreciated, unloved, unwanted, worthless, not trusted, you are putting yourself up for failure over and over because that partner isn’t going to change and will keep pulling you down with them. In order to break the cycle, you must let go of the person and move on. Be honest with yourself and be free of unnecessary pain and heartache.