Oct 19, 2021 in Coaching

Sisterly Love?

What happens when your older sister admits she hates you and goes by any means to have her stepfather removed from the home?

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I remember growing up in a house filled with love. I lost my brother (my father's son from a different relationship) when I was 3 years of age. You see my father was Black/Native American and my mother is Caucasian. My siblings are Caucasian as well. My two older siblings were from my mom's first marriage. Although being the youngest at the time, I knew nothing of race. I knew nothing of looking at the color of people’s skin. All I knew was these were my siblings and I loved them. I didn't even realize growing up that my dad wasn't their dad.

By the time I was about 10 years of age I saw in my sister's diary how she wished me and my father were dead. She never wanted a black sister or stepdad. She wished she was the only child. She even wished she never had a brother. It was around then that "color"... My skin color and my Dad's color were different than my siblings. It was then that I became self-conscious of who I was. My complexion became visible to me and I was then awakened to the color of other people’s skin around me. The person I thought I went out the window. It was then I also shared with my mom what my sister wrote and my mom tried to play it off.

Back then I didn't understand why she played it off. But now I get it. She was in shock and had taken my sister's diary to keep and have a talk with my sister. About a week or two had passed and my sister came to me upset. She knew it was me that read her diary. She knew it was me that told our mom what she wrote. She said she hated me. It was more than just devastating for me. It messed with my head. In Junior High, I was in 7th grade. I remember going home one day and my dad was crying. I knew it was serious because I never ever saw my dad cry. Cops were in front of my dad and they were telling him and my mom that he had to leave. He couldn't stay there. If he didn't have a place to go they would take him. My mom told me to go inside but I stood in the doorway of the front porch. Watching my dad walk out of the house without speaking to me and head down the street to his sister's house a block away. I went back inside and began crying. The cops spoke to my mom and then left. I went up to my mom who was in tears and went with her to our neighbor’s house. My mom explained to the neighbor that my sister has grown fond of some kids that weren't a good group of people and believed that one of the boys my sister had a crush on, influenced her to lie about my father.

The story that I understood was my sister claimed my father raped her. My dad, therefore, was kept from the house for months while there was an investigation going on. Sometime during that day, my sister called the neighbor and after telling my mom where my sister was, she took my mom and me to go get her. I was afraid to leave my mom’s side because I believed that my mom would be taken from me as well. My sister had stated to the neighbor or it was the parent of her friend that she was hiding out in that she was afraid that our mom would hurt her for what she had done.

Did my sister believe that nothing would happen to her? Did my sister think that there would be a big hug and a party for how she changed my life in a split second? I remember watching my sister walk out of her friend’s house. That friend’s mom watched her from the doorway as she headed towards the jeep we sat in. My sister glanced back once more before climbing into the vehicle in the backseat beside me. My mom barely said a word to her as she got in the jeep. I had to sit next to the person who hurt my dad. She lied about my dad because a boy she liked told her to.

I looked at my sister and mouthed "How could you?!" She rolled her eyes and sat back. I looked out the window. The neighbor tried talking to my sister but she refused to speak. As we got close to home my mom asked my sister why she lied about my dad and my sister shrugged and did the whole "I don't know” routine. I didn't want to go to school anymore because my dad wasn't allowed home.

My mom saw how I struggled with him not being home so she called him at his sister’s house and we spoke on the phone. He told me that he would pick me up as usual after school and bring me home. I could even go see him. What had happened to my dad, messed with my head so much because I was always thinking that if my sister had my dad taken away, she'll have my mom taken away as well. At any moment and I'll be alone. I didn't want to be alone. In my mind, I was also thinking that if my sister couldn’t have our mom to herself that she kept on saying to me like her own anthem that she would possibly have her taken from me. I finally got to see how much my sister really did HATE ME.

We went to the same high school. I was a freshmen 9th grader in 1993) and she was a senior (12th grader). She sat with a click. This group of wanna-be gothic kids, loners, stoners, etc. Her friends would make fun of me when I passed by them in the hallway after lunch as they sat in a small area by their lockers waiting for the lunch period to be over.

Some of these kids picked on me, harassed me because my sister told them to. A couple of instances where I was being picked on (because I was the shortest one in the school) my sister saw what was happening and kept walking by as if she saw nothing. I got made fun of because I was a little person. I was the only little person there at the school. All I kept saying to myself was that I was happy that this was her last year at the school.

All those stories I heard of siblings protecting each other in school were a sham. It was a lie! It was almost like my sister got a high from hurting me. Like she got off and I was at the butt of her amusement. Of all her jokes. In the early ’90s, my mom adopted two children. She hoped it would help my dad feel young again since he was older and they loved taking care of children. My mom decided to adopt and I was so happy to have more siblings. They were younger than me, but I loved that. Part of me was offish a bit to love them completely because I was afraid they would turn on me as my older sibling did.

1996 or 1997 my sister started dating this guy. He lived about 2 blocks away from us. They worked at the same place. Eventually, she moved in with him and that part of me was relieved. Although because she dated a different race, she “magically” became that race and even began to speak thuggish. Something he didn’t do, but she went all out with it. I was so disappointed to see who she became. I was wondering if she would end up screwing him over as she screwed me.

From what I understood from her, she didn’t want to have a black sister or father and wished us dead and now she’s in a relationship with someone other than Caucasian.

In 99,’ about a year after my father died, I was watching my sister’s son (from a previous relationship before the man she was with now) and my two younger siblings. There was a car that hit our neighbor’s house and it broke the gas line. I called my friend that lived nearby and asked her if she could take the kids away from the area because of the danger.

After calling 911, I called my sister and told her what happened. She got there after the emergency people turned off the gas line and tried to find the driver of the car that left the scene. My sister came and asked me where her son was and I explained that I had a friend of mine take the kids (not only HER son to their house for safety) and it became an ordeal.

I called my friend to bring the kids back and they got into a fight in the driveway because my sister shoved me as I stepped down on the bottom step of the front porch and fell into the hood of my friend’s car that was close to the stairs. My sister and friend fought and shoved each other. My sister’s husband watched and cheered on my sister fighting my friend. It just became a big mess and I ended up leaving with my friend to her mom’s house. I left my sister with her son and two siblings.

While away I explained to my friend’s mom what happened and she couldn’t understand why my sister behaved the way she did, but she also suggested I go back home and talk to my mom. That was the right thing to do. About 2 hours later I ended up going back to my mom’s house to talk to my mom who was waiting for me since my sister called and lied to my mom about EVERYTHING that had happened. My mom called my friend and me into the house and had my friend sitting across from me beside her and my sister on the couch.

My sister made false statements about me and made it seem like what had happened with the gas line was a lie even though the fire dept. said there was a gas line leak caused by the driver that drove into the house. My mom believed my sister’s lies and I got in trouble. My friend then looked at me and said “You need to learn the definition of friendship. Until you do that we will no longer be friends” Of course you can then see, that who I thought was my friend became my sister’s friend and I remained quiet. I barely had friends, to begin with, and the few I did have I was loyal to. In return, I guess loyalty was a one-way street. I had another friend who I had gone with from junior high and high school together. We were close at one point and then one day it happened. My friend was lied to and manipulated and she became friends with my sister. Believed whatever my sister had said about me when even she knew it wasn’t true.

In 2001 I moved to Florida with my sister and her husband and family. I thought it would be different. I thought we would have a chance to bond. Be close. Fill in those gaps from years past and be a real family. True siblings at last. I didn’t realize the mistake that I had made by moving with them to Florida. She lied about me to my mom in Michigan A LOT. If I didn’t do what she wanted of me she would threaten to kick me out of the house frequently and she knew just how to manipulate her husband with her fake tears and emotions that he did whatever she asked. She or her husband would take me to the bank every month when I got paid to deplete my acct. I became a live-in babysitter with no choice but to do what they wanted otherwise I’d be kicked out of the house. She would even tell me she wouldn’t care where I lived. She didn’t care if I had to live under a bridge. I felt trapped.

I finally met a guy in 2003 and we got a place together. I guess that part of me was happy that I met someone. So I had a place to go to and get out of her house and away from the mess. She would be responsible for the kids and she wouldn’t be taking my money. When it was time for my boyfriend and me to get to our apartment she called me in her room the day before we moved into our place and she told me I owed her $500. I asked her what I owed them money for and she said it was the last payment she wanted since I was leaving her and they needed it. That wasn’t a good enough reason to me. I told my boyfriend that if my sister asked for money that I would tell her to go to him if she wanted any because I made it seem like he was holding the money in his acct. He agreed and I told my sister exactly that. So went to him a day after we moved into our place and asked him for money. He said no. A while later when we came back from work we saw my sister in front of our place standing beside a white car. She asked my boyfriend if he would co-sign the car and he said no. She told him that co-signing the car wasn’t a big deal because he wouldn’t be held responsible for it. But the short time he was with me living with my sister till we got our apartment he got to see my sister for who she really was. He hadn’t forgotten that when my sister met him she knew my boyfriend was an actor and she was already calling me her sister in front of him. Something she hadn’t done before. I was either just her step-sister, half-sister, or just Liz.

He remembered that when she finally had a chance to talk to him the first thing she asked him…. And I mean IT WAS THE FIRST THING SHE ASKED HIM… was “How much do you make?” “Not my name is ……” or “How have you been doing?” …. Or anything that a normal person would ask. He was instantly turned off and knew who she was from that moment. After talking to him she came to me and let me know that he seemed nice but was quiet and his demeanor changed. I asked her what she said to him and she said nonchalantly, “I asked him how much he made! He stopped talking after that.” I looked at her puzzled and asked her how she would feel if he asked her that question and she said that it was none of his business since it was SHE, who let him stay with us till we got our apartment. (Mind you, we only stayed with her for a month after he moved up from Miami to Orlando and then moved into our place)

In 2004, when I last saw my sister nearby and my husband and I went to go visit her after a hurricane, she was bragging that she wanted me to give her my baby that I was pregnant with. She said she would pay me for my baby. Soon after arriving, we left her house and I hadn’t seen her again for a year. I was over her crap and how she was still treating me even though I was married.

2015, since leaving my sister’s home and living with my husband for over 11 years. My sister had lived out of state then moved again and in the interim, she has still lied to our mom a lot of times. One instance was that Florida had pretty much detached from the United States during another hurricane we had later. Another instance was that multiple times she told our mom that I made trips to Michigan with a posse (that I didn’t know I had) and harassed the people that live in our old house. My mom called me upset that I came to Michigan several times and never came to see her and why was I bothering those people. I reminded her to remember who was saying these things, and if I did come to Michigan I would be going to see her and not some unknown people and a posse I didn’t know I had. My sister still finds ways to hurt me by announcing how much she loves her family and will do anything for them only to then announce that the second friend I had mentioned above was her sister whom she loved dearly. They aren’t sisters at all. There is no blood relation. At one point my sister couldn’t stand my friend and my friend couldn’t stand my sister. If someone saw how my sister treats my ex-friend you would believe that that was her sister. She treats my ex-friend better than she has ever treated me. I don’t know what it’s like to grow up looking up to a big sister. I don’t know what it’s like to be able to confide in a sister and share memories and joy. She was offish with me from the time I was 6 years of age and we didn’t really talk that much as it was. It was from 10 years of age that I realized why she was so offish. It was made clear to me that no one would accept me for who I was (being the only little person in my family).

It was made VERY clear that my sister would never accept me. It was made even more visibly clear to me that my dreams of being an actor and making something of myself would never happen. I want to prove to not only my sister, but to myself that she (my sister) can’t dictate anymore nor control my life and decide what will happen to my life because she can’t stand me for reasons unknown to me. I want to be that actor that I’ve worked hard at doing. I want to lift up my spirit from being dampened and disheartened by my sister. I want something that can help heal me and fill in that hole in my life that I feel I’ve been deprived of. I want to become an actor to make other people happy. I want to use the money to help take care of my daughter who is disabled. Lastly, what I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older, is that a true friend can’t be taken. A true friend can’t be manipulated and lied to and stop being your friend. One shouldn’t be friends with a sibling’s friends if the two siblings can’t stand each other, to begin with. If you have sibling love and are there for each other, you should cherish every moment. Not everyone has that. Some would do anything to have it. I don’t know at this point that I could trust trying to have that from her. I just want to find that peace and joy that I deserve finally. I want to prove my sister wrong and show her that I can be an actor, that I can be something important, and that there is nothing wrong with me because she finds every means and reason to hate me.

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