Aug 29, 2021 in Coaching
The Trolls, Bullies and Me – Where do we differ?
Many of us encounter bullying and being trolled online. This article is about why they may do it and difference between us.
How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
I follow a few magazines and newspapers on my facebook account. When I read some news or articles and have a view I care to share, I noticed something. As soon as I post it in the comments thread, like ants coming running towards sugar, a bunch of trolls comment on my comment, call me names and put me down. Well, they think they are putting me down. More often than not, I ignore them because I cannot change the world. At times, depending on what they put, if I feel they crossed a boundary, I would state that clearly.
Recently similar incident happened. It made me think of how quickly people hide behind screes and use keyboard to spew venom on others. I wondered what made them think they had the right to do so. I also wondered if it was a debate in the physical world, would these people use the same words they had typed? Would they use the same language in person or tell the same things to a stranger on road? The chances of them doing it in person, I would like to think, is very slim. Just because it is the cyber world, many think they can attack others because they have a different view about something. It showed me why so many succumb to these bullies.
In one instance, some trolls chose to shame me by bringing up the community they thought I belonged to. I do not attach any importance to the community but it is infact them that assumed that I think I am superior. See the problem? They make assumptions about the community and about my thinking and in the end they claim to be the good ones.
It was this incident that led me to an insight. If they saw what I saw, they would not be such bullies. They are one thought away from being decent, civil and kind adults. One thought away from having the ability to have a healthy debate despite disagreements. Here is that thought – we are only different in form; in the formless state, we are the same. We are all connected and are part of this vast universe. What is in me, is in you and them.
But, why are they not able to see it that way? Are we conditioned to look at differences and is it so strong that we cannot see the huge amount of commonality between all of us? Is it possible that promoting diversity and accepting differences, though well meaning, made us unconsciously shift the focus to the differences? Whether it is gender, race, colour, sexual preference etc. we seem to look to differentiate and then say all are welcome. Instead, could we not be trained to see the oneness. Could we not learn to see the oneness beyond the difference in the form? Is our view so superficial, literally just skin deep?
After this insight came, I felt a calmness in me. I felt sorry for the trolls. There is no way I am supporting their actions and certainly when boundaries are crossed it is unacceptable. However, they are probably acting as best as they can in the level of awareness they are at.
The inside out living means my experience comes from within me. So, these trolls cannot affect me. However, most people do not live like that. It is easy for others to get into our heads and affect our reality. When people approach me for coaching, it is important for me to shine the light on where our experience comes from. This understanding helps us cut bulk of the noise.
When conversing with people, in physical world or cyber world, could we make an effort to see what we have in common? It will then give us a great starting point to discuss where we are different while keeping in mind that the difference is only outward, not inward. When people force others to think the same way as they think, they are denying us of our nature. When looking outside, we see the world through a lens each of us create and there is richness in this. It may not suit your narrative or view but that is how we operate.
Let us learn to embrace the oneness and understand that the difference is only at the surface.