Dec 17, 2020 in Life Coaching

All you need to know about saving your relationship.

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Elizabeth is an Online Life and Relationship Coach. She is dedicated to helping both men and women with saving their relationships and also with finding love after a rough divorce or breakup. Elizabeth has built programs for her Clients so that they can build long-lasting and fulfilling relationships. Let's get to know more about her:

WikiExpert: In your experience, what is the most common reason for relationships to end? 

Elizabeth Smith: In my experience, the most common reason relationships come to an end is due to the lack of communication and trust. 

WikiExpert: How can this be prevented? 

Elizabeth Smith: To keep relationships strong, communication and trust are key factors. Set aside time to communicate with your partner. Put the time and effort into a relationship that you honestly care about. 

While you communicate, listen, and ask questions to gain a better understanding of your partner’s needs. This leads to trust. You have to trust that your partner has your best interest and well-being in mind as you should for them as well. If you know your partner has had a tough or hard day, your partner can trust that you will take the time to listen or give you space to deal with the day on your own without feeling neglect. Trust you understand each other’s needs and wants. 

WikiExpert: For couples who are trying to save their relationship, how would you help them? 

Elizabeth Smith: In my eight-week program for couples, we work through different levels of building the relationship again. For example, in the first week, we discuss “How do we feel love?” Each partner describes their love language. What I mean is: What do you want to see or what action should be taken by your partner to express they love you? 

A partner may say, I want to see you doing a load of laundry because it was a busy day and laundry needs to be done. The partner is taking away an item on the to-do list for the partner. That can be a love language. Keep in mind, everyone has different love languages. Someone may want their partner not to be on their cell phone and distracted. They want their partner there at the moment with them. 

In the second week, couples will discuss respect and kindness for one another. That week, couples describe words or actions that make them feel disrespected or devalued by their partner and come up with ideas on how they can change that. A person may feel that they are not valued when the partner walks out of the room and takes a call. These are things that are discussed in an attempt to find solutions to help each partner feel more valued. 

Each couple is different as each individual is different. The goal is to ensure couples focus on avoiding neglecting the key components of a relationship while identifying what can be done to improve upon those areas. 

The eight-week program also covers discussions involving communication, intimacy, self-reflection, trust and forgiveness, couple identity transformation, and becoming a power couple. 

WkiExpert: Tell us about how your online sessions and programs work? 

Elizabeth Smith: This program is available for both individuals and couples. The program is designed to work with the individual or couple three times per month and focus on different areas a successful relationship needs to survive. 

For individuals, the first week is different compared to the couples in the sense of knowing what you want from a soul mate or life partner. The individual defines their vision of a partner and what type of person they want next to them - a person to laugh with, to live with, or have a family with. 

We discuss components of what that looks like for them. I call this “Manifestation of Love.” This is one of the most important steps as the manifestation guides the individual to what type of partner they really want. The individual is making the decision while clearly disclosing what type of person they want in their life. Whereas, in couples, we discuss how they feel love in the present relationship they want to save. The couple provide clarity as to what they want to feel from the relationship. 

For the individual program, we discuss self-reflection, deciphering inner personal wants and needs, trust and forgiveness, preparation for love, love vs fear, take control, and identity transformation. 

Couples focus on communication, intimacy, self-reflection, trust and forgiveness, couple identity, and how to be that power couple by taking action to support each other. 

At the end of the eight-week program, couples are on the road toward recovery of their relationship as long as both partners want that to happen while learning more about each other. As for an individual who wants a long-lasting relationship, they are achieving their goals to fulfill their vision of love. 

WikiExpert: You also assist men and women who are in their 40s and 50s with their relationship problems and with finding love again. Tell us about this? 

Elizabeth Smith: Yes, that is correct. I work with both men and women in their 40s and 50s to find love again by addressing their strengths, self-confidence, and integrity to develop long-lasting relationships. I help Individuals learn how to take action and work to find that person they truly want, that person who understands who they are and is able to communicate on a level that fits their desires. 

After a relationship comes to an end, Clients often feel defeated and are uncertain about which direction to take. Their sense of strength or self-worth is lost because of the previous partner. I work to help individuals find who they are, what they want in a partner, and how to achieve this partner who fits their needs and wants. 

WikiExpert: There was a very interesting article that you published on WikiExpert, Communicate Effectively in Relationships, many readers enjoyed it! Please explain the importance of communication in a relationship?

Elizabeth Smith: The importance of communication in a relationship is actually communicating. When relationships begin to turn negative, individuals and couples tend to shut down and turn to others for advice or comfort. 

It is never easy or pleasant to discuss frustration and conflict, but both are unavoidable when one is in a relationship. When something is unpleasant, emotions tend to lead to harsh words and additional feelings of frustration. It is important to communicate with each other and pay attention to how the other person reacts to hearing difficult information. Can the information be presented in a different way? 

Think of how you can ask your partner how you each can present this information so both of you can communicate clearly and effectively. 

WikiExpert: If a couple is struggling to communicate effectively with one another, how can it affect the relationship? 

Elizabeth Smith: If a couple is struggling to communicate effectively with one another, it can cause the relationship to come to an end or cause the couple to distance themselves. It is important to self-reflect and sees what can be done on your behalf to change the pattern from not communicating to communicating effectively. For example, an individual can self-reflect by asking themselves, when my partner and I do not communicate the way I would like, how do I react? Are you giving each other the silent treatment? Do you leave for a few hours to stop communicating? 

Think about what occurs when communicating is a challenge. Once you determine that, the next question to ask is, how can I improve our way of communicating? Can we write down our questions and focus on a topic at a time. Can I listen to my partner explain their feelings and do not interrupt? What can I say that shows my partner I am listening and I understand? What kind words can I use? Those are some self-reflection tools an individual can utilize to improve how to communicate effectively. Think how you can change your approach to communicate with this person.

WikiExpert: For those who struggle to express themselves, how would you advise them? 

Elizabeth Smith: For an individual who struggles to express themselves, I would ask a few questions like What is causing your struggles to express yourself effectively? How can you approach expressing yourself with words or actions that make you feel respected and safe? How can you help your partner express themselves in a safe manner? 

When individuals struggle to express themselves, they need help and sometimes by asking a few questions it can open the lines of communication. I am a firm believer that you have to start somewhere, and ask a simple question like,” how can I help?” Can be an effective question towards expression for someone that struggles in this area. 

WikiExpert: You also published another interesting article: Be Yourself in Relationships. How can someone be themselves in a relationship if they are not confident in themselves? 

Elizabeth Smith: That is an excellent question. A person must know who they are as an individual to have confidence in a relationship. For example, if we are speaking about physical touch and intimacy, what kind of physical touch feels the most loving for you? If you do not know what kind of physical touch feels the most loving for you, how can you be yourself with a partner? Do you want your partner to hold your hand, hug you, kiss you, or sit next to you and rub your back, etc? 

Another example could be, how often do you need to hear your partner tell you he or she loves you? Once a day, once a month, once a year, etc., if you are unable to provide those answers for yourself, a relationship might have challenges because you, yourself are not clear as to what you want or need. You cannot expect your partner to know how to please, protect, make you feel safe if you do not know how you want to be pleased or loved.

It is imperative a person takes time to know more about themselves; know what they need and want to help build their self-confidence. Thus, allowing them to be themselves in relationships. 

In my program, we discuss who you are and what you want. This thought based approach helps guide individuals toward the relationship with more self-confidence. 

WikiExpert: What are the most important factors that every couple needs to have a successful and long-lasting relationship? 

Elizabeth Smith: The most important factors a couple needs to have a successful and long-lasting relationship are trust, communication, and a form of intimacy. 

Trust and communication are factors that go hand-in-hand when having a long-lasting relationship. Trusting the person that you want to spend your life with will put forth the effort, passion and desire into the relationship by displaying they care or love you are the most valuable. A few ways to establish trust are to share your thoughts, be open, and be honest about things. 

Humans have to trust the partner they are with, and the best way to trust someone is by communicating. You can begin by asking each other questions again. For example, you could ask what is one thing that we can do together this year that we have not done? Communicating is a positive way to gain trust and to know each other better. Remember, we do grow and learn every day. Continue to grow and learn with your partner. 

Communicating often and clearly can help maintain a successful and long-lasting relationship. The best way to accomplish this is to set aside time. We set aside time for television, eating, working out at the gym, having dinner with friends, etc., isn’t it important to set aside time for the relationship and the partner who we want? If your partner can trust they are important, you will communicate.

As humans, we need intimacy. Intimacy comes in all shapes and sizes but ultimately, we all need to feel someone’s touch. How much is for the couple to determine. However, couples need to know what kind of physical touch feels the most loving for them to maintain a healthy balance in their relationship. If they are struggling in this area, they should communicate what each person needs from the other to help maintain a strong long-lasting relationship. Communicate with your partner the amount and how much intimacy that you need. Be honest and share your thoughts with your partner. 

WikiExpert: When a couple loses interest in their relationship, how would you advise them?

Elizabeth Smith: When a couple loses interest in their relationship, I would ask them to ask each other some valuable questions to get a better understanding of how the relationship can improve and bring that “spark” back. For example, I would start by asking, what can you do differently to gain interest again? This allows the couples to come up with ideas that might bring sparks back to the relationship. Both partners are able to provide their ideas and present their distinctive identities. 

Another question I ask individuals who have lost interest is, what worked well in the relationship before you lost interest? This helps the couple to identify the positive aspects of their relationship before, and they can see they were successful at one point. 

The lead questions are: Are you willing to try new things as a couple? If so, what are two or three new things you are willing to try? And then, How will you begin as a couple to do one of these things together? 

When couples begin to lose interest and want to keep the relationship, they should communicate and ask each other what they can do differently to improve.

The result is to move them forward, not backward, and not focus on the negative. Focusing on the positive and finding what worked before can help or they may realize they want to bring new life into their relationship. Once the couple can identify what they can do differently, they can begin doing some of those things by taking action. The only way to know is by asking those questions and finding what each person wants or needs to bring interest back to the relationship. 

Now, let's get to know more about Elizabeth:

WikiExpert: When you're not helping others, where can we find you? What do you enjoy doing in your spare time? 

Elizabeth Smith: When I am not helping others, you can find me hiking, traveling, outdoors in nature in some capacity, and spending time with my partner, family and friends. If that is not enough to keep me busy, I enjoy reading and learning, not just about relationships matters, I enjoy reading on humanities topics. I enjoy taking my newfound knowledge and sharing it with others to help make their lives better in a way that fits their needs and wants. 

WikiExpert: What inspired you to become a Relationship Coach? 

Elizabeth Smith: What inspired me to become a Relationship Coach stemmed from past experiences, both personal and professional, to help individuals find the love they deserve. 

People should not settle or continue with similar relationships that do not work. In my life, I have struggled with relationships and have learned that everyone struggles in some capacity. After a relationship comes to an end, you often feel lost and uncertain which direction to take moving forward.Humans can tend to isolate themselves. Having someone to guide you to learn and understand what you want and need in a relationship with yourself is important before you can have one with another. 

WikiExpert: In your opinion, what has been your greatest achievement to date?

Elizabeth Smith: The greatest achievements to date have been establishing a successful professional relationship coaching business and publishing articles that allow me the opportunity to help individuals find self-confidence and self-worth after unsuccessful relationships, and to become more confident in finding long-lasting love.

Read Smith's articles and message her for free today to book a session. 

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