Jul 15, 2020 in Life Coaching
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How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
Ricky Hogens is an Online Life Coach who offers a variety of services including relationship and career coaching, anger management and more. He developed a very deep and prevalent interest in psychology from a tender age of 12 and went out to pursue his career after graduating with a BS in psychology. Ricky also has a Master’s degree in Human Services and he has over 20 years of experience. Let's get to know more about Ricky:
WikiExpert: As a child, what interested you about psychology? How did you develop an interest in this?
Ricky Hogens: My interest in psychology has been prevalent in my entire life. As a young child, I often wondered about the functions of the brain and human behavior. I observed the actions of others frequently, especially when people acted “weird”. Around age 12, I decided to become a “head doctor.” I knew there would be a lot of education involved in my decision; therefore, I took school seriously.
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WikiExpert: What is the most rewarding part of your career?
Ricky Hogens: The most rewarding part of my career is knowing that I am helping others. It reinforces my purpose-driven life.
WikiExpert: What has been the most challenging part of your career?
Ricky Hogens: I look at “challenges” as opportunities for growth. The biggest opportunity I encounter in Life Coaching is helping the general public to overcome the labels and stigmas associated with coaching, counseling, and therapy. For example, the public will label a friend or family member as “crazy” which is internalized and the person requiring help becomes helpless. Or at least, they feel helpless.
WikiExpert: You offer relationship coaching, tell us about the problems you solve?
Ricky Hogens: Relationship coaching involves evidence of education, seeking mutual understanding, linking common goals and executing a plan. This model is used to problem-solve financial disagreements, commitment issues, trust issues, communication barriers, and value conflicts.
WikiExpert: How would you advise couples who are in a long-distance relationship to remain strong and maintain their bond?
Ricky Hogens: Let’s think about a long-distance relationship as a professional athlete who loves his/her team and plays at an away stadium. There are several extraneous factors at the away stadium. You may have support (only a few people cheering), a lot of people booing, but the goal of the team is to win. I would assist the couple is looking for the “wins” in what’s called a TGROW model. Also, it is very important for couples to have tangible connections because they are away from each other.
WikiExpert: How do you help couples who have become "comfortable" in their relationships to keep the spark alive?
Ricky Hogens: I am glad the question is worded “to keep the spark alive” because I help couples to remain in the present to the future. In theory, the spark is still present because the couple is either still together or working to be together. If we explored past reasons why a spark is no longer present, the blame game could become a dangerous counterproductive threat.
Therefore, I would use a here and now concept analogy. Let’s consider a fire triangle which consists of oxygen, heat and fuel. In the center of that triangle, you will find the chemical reaction. These four elements must exist to keep a fire from extinguishing. Relationships function in a similar way. This is part of the evidence of education (refer to question 4). It’s important for couples to learn their oxygen or fresh air that starts the happy relationship (what do we agree on?), heat (reminders of what turns each other on?), fuel (learn how to energize each other’s love language) and chemical reaction (maintain a bond). Once the bond is maintained, it would be easier to develop lasting relationship goals.
WikiExpert: During the COVID-19 pandemic, do you feel that the bond between couples has strengthened or weakened?
Ricky Hogens: I believe that COVID-19 is a crisis and any crisis could impact relationships in both positive and negative trajectories. Couples can influence the trajectories based on how they respond by energizing the positive or energizing the negative. On “Red Table Talk”, Jada Pinkett Smith explained how COVID-19 has impacted her marriage to conclude that she does not know her husband, Will Smith of 23 years “, at all”. This could appear that the relationship was weakened. However, Jada was able to gain more understanding and further conclude that true intimacy becomes loving a person for who they truly are and not what we perceived them to be.
WikiExpert: In a situation where a couple needs help, but one party is not willing to seek professional help, how would you work around that?
Ricky Hogens: When I think about the biggest opportunities in my career, I think about people who would benefit from receiving coaching/counseling support but shy away from seeking professional help. Many people do not want the stigmas associated with seeking help, while others believe that they can help themselves. The key is to discover why one party does not want to participate and then develop a plan to assist. Sometimes, people are afraid to face a perceived idea that, “it’s my fault”. They become more comfortable once they understand that cause and effect relationships are not faults, but opportunities for understanding.
WikiExpert: For couples who separated, what would be your approach to bringing them back together?
Ricky Hogens: Separation is tricky because the couple has already decided to discontinue the foundation of the relationship. However, it is important to understand that a spark still exists because they are interested in relationship coaching. The same rule of the fire triangle could apply; however, the couple must be coached into a fresh start with new and exciting ideas.
WikiExpert: You also offer anger management. Please tell us about this.
Ricky Hogens: I accept the theory that Anger is a choice. My biggest goal is to help people to understand the differences between the myths vs facts associated with anger. I offer anger management services that focus on general education and/or specific individual plans to assist people struggling to manage their anger. Clients can attend court-approved anger management classes or participate in anger management educational groups. Both formats focus on a common curriculum to address the universal needs of the targeted group. I also offer individual anger management sessions aimed at identifying anger type and understanding best practices to overcome the specified anger type.
WikiExpert: How do you help Clients to prevent themselves from losing their temper and being in control of their emotions?
Ricky Hogens: It is important to understand anger, symptoms of anger and anger triggers before taking steps to prevent losing your temper. The key is to educate Clients about the anger episode and what their anger episode looks like. Once a person becomes more aware, they can prevent most episodes from occurring. A person must truly understand their individualized anger tendencies.
WikiExpert: What does your typical online anger management session look like? What do you cover in these?
Ricky Hogens: Online sessions are held, where I can share my screen during anger presentations. During the initial session, we investigate the results of the anger assessment to develop a plan moving forward. Once we have a plan moving forward, the Client and I develop a personalized syllabus together. The anger assessment will also determine the length of sessions required and the syllabus will identify all of the information that would be covered.
WikiExpert: You published an article, Life Coach: A look at work-life balance reality vs you. It was enjoyed by many readers! Tell us how you help Clients to achieve a balance between their personal and professional life.
Ricky Hogens: I offer work-life balance as a series to coach Clients with prioritizing important areas of life such as family, spirituality, personal health, and income. Then, we focus on streamlining a balance which includes such things as self-care, schedule, time-management and rest.
WikiExpert: In this article, you also mentioned that due to a lack of sleep, people are not even aware of their surroundings. Explain the long-term effects of not getting enough sleep.
Ricky Hogens: Long-term effects of sleep deprivation can include hypertension, risk of fatal cardiovascular problems, diabetes, depression, anxiety, and immune system deficiency. One of the most overlooked long-term effects of sleep deprivation is faulty brain function. Sleep impacts our problem-solving skills, awareness, and ability to regulate emotions. Sleep-deprived people are more prone to memory loss. Also, sleep-deprived people have problems with balance, reflex and motor skills which could lead to accidents.
WikiExpert: If someone is suffering from insomnia, what would be your approach to helping them?
Ricky Hogens: I think it’s important to discover the causes of insomnia which could be biological factors, medications, commonly used substances, or environmental factors. Through the process of eliminating, we could target specific factors to set goals to help insomnia. The goals could include scheduled incorporation of relaxation, herbal tea, and aromatherapy prior to bedtime.
Now, let's get to know more about Ricky:
WikiExpert: When you're not coaching and helping others, where can we find you? What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?
Ricky Hogens: I am a big believer in self-care. Physically, I try my best to exercise each week and play basketball. Spiritually, I am highly involved at my local church and I meditate/pray each day. Socially, I am a huge Atlanta sports fan and I attend several professional games.
WikiExpert: How do you manage your time productively and maintain a work-life balance?
Ricky Hogens: There’s a familiar phrase stated, “practice what you preach”. I must say that I incorporate work-life balance tragedies in my everyday life. The most important thing is recharging my brain by resting effectively each night. This allows me to wake up on time to follow through on my daily scheduled events. As stated above, I participate in self-care throughout the week. I also use the calendar on my smartphone to keep myself on schedule.
WikiExpert: Name 3 things you cannot live without.
Ricky Hogens: I cannot live without God, Family, and my purpose-driven life.
WikiExpert: What has been your biggest success to date?
Ricky Hogens: My biggest success to date was creating A Path to Greatness, LLC which allows me to have the autonomy to fully assist others without organizational restrictions.
Learn how to control your anger, improve your sleep and relationships! Message Ricky Hogens for free today to book a session.