Feb 12, 2021 in Life Coaching
How to Argue Diligently?
Guides readers on how to argue diligently without exhausting their energy.
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How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
1. Locate the content of an argument:
It important to stay on content to limit unnecessary discussions that exhaust you. People who are unconscious, avoidant or possessed by their ego tend to go off content. They might pay attention to irrelevant details, change topics, create perplexity, stick to their idealogies or finds others ways to evade from the argument.
2. Scrutinize the implications:
Assess on whether the person is speaking out of biases, prejudices, emotional baggage, own assumptions, perceptions, values, beliefs, stereotypes, or using half-baked knowledge to validate points? Check on whether the reasons they give to justify their argument fit an universal truth or their own assumed truth. Studying deep on the implications help you to explore the dimensions of a statement. For instance, when I say I like a particular person, the reason could be, he has same values as me, helped me during difficult times and also 'an enemy of my enemy.'
Pay attention clearly to their message and hypothesize how their thoughts and feelings are functioning inside them, that led them to speak in this way. This would help you to respond back diligently instead of reacting.
4. Questioning Skills:
Give your opponents enough rope to hang themselves. You may ask exceptional questions that probes their thinking and challenges their statements.The purpose of questioning is to make them think otherwise, challenge their assumptions, beliefs, biases, rigidity and so forth. Remember, the key skill here is to peel every layer of their statements with thought provoking questions. Any type of questioning skills could be applied as long as it fits well into the context and content. The second key here is to get them to agree through these questions or make them pause, ponder and doubt their statements. From here, bring them into a fresh argument(the track where you want to instill awareness to your opponent about their misconceptions) and attack them with more questions if needed and proceed to justify your reasons clearly and validate your points. Attacking them with more questions gives you ample space to bring in your points in the argument.
Things to take note:
1. A good argument ends well, if the other party possess the wisdom to be receptive to the points of others.
2. It is good to self- reflect and engage in an argument unless your points are valid and your reasons are justified.
3. Arguments should not take place when you are possessed by your ego.
4. Arguments are needed to preserve your self-respect, reject logical fallacies, prevent victimisation, assert and defend for yourself and your good values.
5. At any point of time, if you find that the person you are arguing with is, "dead sure about his theories and is not receptive to your points," you should choose to walk away with compassion for the imbecile and for the benefit of your self-care. You should never exhaust your energy.
6. Consistent practice on the above skills is needed to win or neutralise any argument.
7. Never show anger when arguing.
8. Keep in mind there is a difference between hearing and listening.
9. You need to tell directly to people, to put ego and rationalising ('listen and accept an assumed truth' that feeds their ego or mind and emotional needs) aside when conversing with you.
10. The above are just guidelines, feel free to add and modify methods that best fits your argument.