Nov 27, 2020 in 

Grieving Over A Breakup & Overcoming It.

Break up can be painful & you can be vulnerable. Here we will discuss the possible strategies to get over and move forward

Irene Seow

Counselor

100 $ / session

  • 3 Publications
  • 34 found this helpful
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Grieving Over A Breakup & Overcoming it.

What is a romantic relationship? In general, it involves both physical and emotional intimacy, revolving 2 people. Beginning of a relationship is always sweet and it releases dopamine, which is a kind of neurotransmitter that controls the brain's reward and pleasure center, that makes couples feel happy around each other. Nevertheless, not all relationship will maintain the same forever and once the breakup surface it can be heart breaking and difficult to overcome it. You might have the feeling of loss, heaviness, emptiness, sadness and so forth. Often, if the breakup is not mutual, one party will experience some common reactions in accepting it. This reaction includes the following:

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Irene Seow

Counselor

100 $ / session

  • 3 Publications
  • 34 found this helpful
  • 17 shares

Being in a Denial Stage – You will have a hard time to accept and believe the relationship is over, especially when the period of attachment was long.

Feeling of Anger – You will be pondered why your partner can move on that quickly and angry that your pain is caused by him or her.

Feeling of Fear – A loss of relationship will bring you to be fearful within yourself. This is especially tough for relationship which has lasted for many years.

Feeling of Sadness – Your world will probably be collapsed after the breakup and sadness is relevant during the struggle of your breakup.

Drowning in the feelings of self-blaming and guilt – You are likely to recap your times with your partner during both good and bad times. Blaming yourself that if you can be all at fault to result in the failure of this relationship.

Feeling of Jealousy – You are unsure if your partner has found another person and this will lead you to feel jealous and the thoughts of your partner with the new loved ones will trigger you to feel even terrible.

Hoping for reconciliation – You might think it is just short term but as days and months goes by, you will have to move forward and accept the reality that this relationship has ended.

Are There Ways You Can Overcome & Heal It?

Yes, You can! What you are experiencing with the above points are normal as they serve as negative thought and emotions. These reactions are natural and no matter how painful it is, this will not last forever, and the intensity of emotions will weaken ultimately with the passage of time. The following 12 ways can serve as some tips for you to get better over time:

Give yourself time to accept the feelings and pain of the breakup – You will be pessimistic and whatever bad thoughts are normal. Take your time and accept it rather then suppressing or ignoring it. This can ease the pain of a split.

Cry when you need to – Going through a breakup is tough and from time to time you will encounter emotions that you will feel like crying it out. There is no shame in crying as it is a normal process to recover. Do not feel the need to hold back and crying is also part of healing.

Give yourself time to heal – Coping with the breakup can be depressing. Stay as positive as you can and give yourself time to heal. Be patient to get over it before entering another relationship too quickly which can be a rebound and unhealthy.

Sharing your feelings – Talking over the breakup with your friends, family or even a counsellor will help. They will be your shoulder to cry on and by realising this will lesser your negative mood and thoughts.

Taking good care of your well-being – Get on to some exercises and sports. Keeping yourself active and having a balanced nutrient will assist in your process of healing. Taking enough rest will also bring you better physically and mentally.

Focus and keep yourself occupied – Letting go of your breakup is not going to be easy. Cut away all connection with your ex such as messaging, social media, Instagram and so on. Throw away any photos or gifts if necessary, to get your ex out of your mind. Concentrate on keeping up with your life of being single. Head back to any activities you have done previously like yoga, meditation, painting, and others. Do not dwell over the breakup and accept it is over to move forward.

List all the benefits of being single – Think back the time while you were single and how you enjoyed it. Make a list to encourage and appreciate your life of being single again. It can be having more individual freedom, spending more time with friends and family. The points can go on and read it whenever you feel the pain of the breakup surfacing within yourself.

Spending time with people who support, value, and give you positive energy – Being upset and going through mood swings is normal. However, dealing it alone is not advisable. Surround yourself people who can energize you and make yourself feel relax and comfortable.

Avoid unhealthy copying methods – To forget the pain and loneliness from the breakup, some people will tend to engage themselves to pick up smoking, drinking, gambling, or over-eating. It is wise to avoid these harmful strategies no matter how miserable and painful you are going through.

List your ex’s negative behaviour and qualities – You probably feel you have lost and missed out someone who is the best choice in your life. List down all your ex’s bad habits. Read through it and you may come to see how incompatible both of you were in the relationship. This will make it easier for you to let go and come to realise there is a possibility of a better match out there.

Reflect on the failure you learn from the relationship – Write down the possible reasons for the failed relationship. Take times to think but avoid self-blaming if you feel you are the one who destroy it. Learning what fails help your growth and not to repeat the same mistakes in your next relationship.

Seeking professional help – Despite following the above points, if nothing works and you find yourself slipping into any non-prescription drugs, thinking of suicide and is still unable to overcome your negative mood and thoughts. You will have to seek professional help from counsellor or other professionally trained psychologists who can advise and guide you to more healthy coping mechanisms to get over the pain of the breakup to move ahead.

Any forms of relationships will have encounter fights and arguments at some point of their life. Learning the process of letting go and grieving the loss is usual. It will be useful to perform a closure ritual for yourself and this might include writing a letter to yourself or your ex with your final words regarding the relationship. Loving you is important before you start dating again. There is no right or wrong time to start seeing someone again, ultimately you will need to move on and start afresh in life. Nevertheless, keeping a causal dating at the initial stage might be recommendable before jumping right into a deep and long-term relationship. You must understand and trust some people are meant to be just a passer-by in your life and failure of a relationship is not the end of the world. In fact, it is the beginning of another new chapter in your life. Believe in yourself and with positive vibes, good things will come to you.

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