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Jun 2, 2021 in 

The Secret to Great Sex

Besides our basic needs, physical connection and intimacy is what we all search for.

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Tarryn Tomlinson

Life Coach

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Finding Freedom Through Connection

Besides our basic needs, physical connection and intimacy is what we all search for. Without physical connection a childs' development can be severely retarded, often resulting in; nervous system dysregulation and in extreme cases, the physical growth of the child can be stunted.

The rise in depression is a key example of how this lack of intimacy has affected people (of course there are other factors too). We have focused on the material aspects of life, looking for fulfillment in materiality, not understanding that it is our need for acceptance from our peers, that drives most of actions. As if saying; 'Look at me! I'm enough! I matter! I am valuable! Love me!'

When our efforts bring no sense of accomplishment or only temporarily make us feel fulfillment, we feel increasingly sad, lonely and disconnected.

What we are all needing is genuine intimacy and connection. When we look at our technologies we see how they are shaped by a global need to be social and to connect.

In the realm of the intimate even sex is greatly enhanced when there is true connection. "Quickies", for example ( a superficial way to fulfill a need- which does not give us what we really want) can leave people feeling empty. Making love to someone can make sex a completely different experience because of our willingness to be vulnerable and open to connection.

We have heightened experiences when we accept our bodies and our desires (intimacy with ourselves) and communicate those needs to a partner who is open and non judgmental, in a way which does not force our desires upon them. If our partner is aligned they'll do the same with us.

Yet! True intimacy comes when our focus is on giving pleasure to our partner whilst being open to direct them on how to please us. When we focus on our own needs during sex we prevent intimacy, because it shows we do not trust the other to fulfill our needs and you can't have intimacy without trust.

Profound connection/intimacy is what we humans want yet we also don't get it because we are afraid of that intimacy. We are afraid to be vulnerable.

True intimacy and connection starts with the self, with accepting and loving all aspects of ourselves then being brave enough to be vulnerable and open to another.

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