Oct 22, 2020 in Counseling
30 Day No Contact Rule
Many people come to me asking about how the no contact rule really works and why it’s so effective.
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How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
They understand the concept of cutting communication with an ex in order to get a reaction, but the concept of cutting communication with this person scares them. It’s a perfectly natural response, especially when you’re terrified of losing the person you love.
So that is why I wanted to write an article explaining the 30 day no contact rule psychology today. It is basically one of the most effective tools available to you for changing the dynamic between you and your ex, and making him or her want you back. In most situations, the best thing you can do is take a step back so that you can make a stronger comeback, so let’s take a look at the interworkings of this technique!
30 day no contact rule psychology: Why it works
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Human nature is a fascinating thing. We have a terrible tendency of taking things for granted when they are readily available to us, and unfortunately, this concept can be applied to human relationships as well. Because you have already experienced this relationship with the person in question, they have gotten used to having you around.
When relationships develop between two people it is not uncommon for a person to start place their relationship at the center of their universe, and in doing so, they inadvertently put their significant other on a pedestal.
When a person is placed on a pedestal, it becomes dangerously easy for them to take their partner for granted and just assume that they’ll always be around. Then, when the breakup happens, it is not unusual for someone to panic and try very hard to get close to their ex again, making it even easier for them to take them for granted.
It’s a perfectly human response, but it also presents you in a negative light.
When a break up happens and you want this person back, you need to start working on getting them to see you in a different light. We need to give them an electroshock and start to make them see you in a new way.
The truth of the matter is that if this person chose to break up with you, it means that he or she lost faith and your overall ability to make them happy in the long run.
So here is where the no contact rule comes into play. By cutting Communication with this person, you surprise them but you also give yourself the opportunity to make some changes. Remember, you want to take a step back so that you can make a stronger comeback.
Because your ex has gotten used to having you around, it has become easy for them to take you for granted and just assume that you will be reaching out, that you missed them, that you want to be with them, and that you want to talk to them.
By using the no contact rule psychology, you instantly pique their attention because you are doing the opposite of what they expect.
On top of that, it is human nature to immediately want something back that you feel belongs to you when it is abruptly taken away. To illustrate this point about the psychology behind the no contact rule, I’ll tell you about an encounter I had with my friend’s son a little while back.
I went over to their house to give him a present for his fourth birthday. It was a new toy car, because I knew how much he loves those. So I gave it to him and he was happy as a clam, and it got me thinking.
He had become completely uninterested in his other toy cars, so I wanted to see what would happen if I tried to take one. I pretended to take one, saying that he probably doesn’t need this anymore, but that did not go over very well.
The toy I was pretending to take had been his favorite before, and he could not handle the concept of losing it, even if he hadn’t played with it in a very long time.
If we take the same concept and apply it to our situation, your ex could have a very similar reaction when they realize that you are no longer available to him or her.
No contact rule psychology: Increasing the odds of it working
Though this might seem very obvious to you as you read this, if you really want the no contact rule to work, you have to stick with it. You might be surprised at the number of people who give into the temptation of reaching out to an ex or responding to one of their messages, and wind up back at square one.
As of now, your ex boyfriend or girlfriend has gotten used to having you around so you need to give them an electroshock. If you can successfully employ this technique, you can start to get a reaction from your ex.
That said, if you break the no contact rule prematurely, then you will just be showing him or her that they still have an effect on you and you will be reassuring them that you aren’t going anywhere.
The whole point of the no contact rule psychology is to make your ex begin to crave your attention, and that is where proactivity comes into play. Simply cutting communication is not enough to successfully bring somebody back to you
The time you spend in NC with your ex needs used wisely.
Now is the time to think about all of the elements of your life that got put on the back burner while you were in this relationship, what passions, hobbies, people, personal and professional goals got neglected, and what kind of new elements you can introduce into your life right now.
Think about what exactly contributed to the relationship’s downfall and your current unhappiness, and think about what concrete solutions you can provide.
The goal is to fill your schedule up with people and activities that bring you joy and improve your quality of life. Personal development is the key to success in getting someone back.
The female and male mind after no contact both work in very similar ways.
If a person suddenly stops receiving the attention that they have gotten used to receiving, they will start to wonder where it went. Then, they will start to pay attention to what you’ve been up to.
This is why I often stress the importance of using social media to post pictures of the fun and exciting things you have been doing.
The psychological effect of no contact on the dumper is the strongest when they realize that you are becoming the new and improved version of the person they fell in love with in the first place.
This is true whether you are doing 30 days of no contact or six months of no contact.
Your ex’s mind after no contact: How to tell if it’s working
As this article comes to an end, I wanted to provide you with an idea of how to tell if no contact is actually working.
The simple answer to this question is that no contact is working if you are changing. If you are being proactive and making concrete changes, then you are on the right track and you are on the path towards success. Why? Because your personal changes are what your ex wants to see.
They don’t want empty promises or words – it’s too late for that. The breakup is already happened.
So they want to see that you are capable of change and that you have proven it through your actions.
I know that every single situation is unique, and you probably have some questions. I’ve given you some general information about the no contact rule psychology, but I highly encourage you to get in touch with me for one-on-one guidance.
By asking you targeted questions about your specific situation, I can give you a detailed plan of action that will help you reach your goal as soon as possible.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach for everything you need to know about the no contact rule psychology