Sep 21, 2020 in Life Coaching

The choice of Maturity and character

Helpful and Unhelpful attitudes

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Helpful and Unhelpful attitudes


Everyone in their lives are on a journey of maturity and growth, the pace of everyone’s growth is different dependant on the speed at which they grow out of habits, beliefs and attitudes which do not serve us and into ones which do.


As a life coach/mentor, it is important to investigate ways to value other peoples lives by asking questions which provoke and challenge the you (clients) to care/think about themselves and where they are going. We do this by addressing unhelpful attitudes people have subscribed in life, something which we can only discern if we listen carefully to what they have told us and how they have stressed to share it.


Responsible VS irresponsible


You need to be comfortable within yourself by identifying what behaviours, attitudes or beliefs you have which aren’t working and take responsibility for these things. Responsibility breeds empowerment and you can only be helped by a life coach once they have then responsibility for your need to chance and your desire to change.


Q. What parts of your life have you consciously taken responsibility of and what arts of your life do you still need to take responsibility of?


Q. Are there any aspects of your life (beliefs, habits, mindsets or attitudes) which you feel are holding you back in life? What would happen if you stopped thinking these were just ‘part of who you are’ and instead considered them parts of you that you could change were you to take responsibility for changing them? What would your next steps be?


Humility VS arrogance and pride


Arrogance and pride most often take the form of defensiveness. When people are confronted with the idea of challenging and even changing their lifetime habits, their sense of self is attacked, and they therefore often protect their negative way of being for the sake of themselves. Humility is what helps people grow out of their unhelpful habits because humility is when we humbly own our flaws, weaknesses and imperfections.


Q. What aspects of yourself do you get defensive about is someone criticises you about them? How have you responded to criticism of these aspects in the past?


Q. If you were honest with yourself, what flaws, weaknesses and imperfections do you accept that you have but are willing to address and manage in order to encourage your growth and progression in life? How do you plan on addressing these parts of yourself (without shame of chastisement)?


Slow to anger VS quick to anger


Angry people are not influential people. There are principles that argue that it is better to be feared than loves, I would argue that it is better to be trusted than feared. When people trust us, they know where they stand with us. When we are slow to anger, we have more time to reflect, think and respond more appropriately. When we respond with anger, out priority is to defend ourselves rather than grow; thus, we become more defensive and leave such engagements as we came in for, usually leaving us in a worse off position. Self-awareness breeds self-management and self-management influences the heath and stability of our social engagement.


Q. Are you quick or slow to anger, or are you a mixture of both? Write down scenarios in which you are quick to anger, then write down ones where you are calmer. Can you then identify the casual difference between the two?


Q. Write down a case study of yourself when you were quick to anger: note the circumstance, how you were feelings about yourself, how you were feeling about the circumstance and how you felt afterwards. What would you do differently if you could go back?


Promoter of unity VS promoting disunity


Unity is always ire character building than disunity. Disregarding people who we don’t agree with, don’t get on with or don’t like is the easy option in life. However, learning how to live with them is the harmony of the challenge. We can’t bury people away and live in protective bubbles which never overlap with one another, we must confront wrongdoings, we must accept the unknown and we must learn to love and live with the difference. It’s easy to like people who see eye to eye with us and even easier to dislike people who don’t. Society and the world don’t function in disunity. We grow more as people when surrounded by people who we don’t understand the whole view of – because it is only through trying to understand one another that we can conceptualise a way of living in harmony with each other.


Q. Are you committed to working with and understanding other people, or are you more interested in doing things your own way?


Q. What changes can you begin making today to better understanding others and begin working with other people?


Growth seeking VS seeking of pleasure


Pleasure is an instant experience which comes and goes, but growth is a process. People seeking pleasure, enough is never enough: they want more success, more food, more alcohol, more friends, more happiness, more money, for those seeking growth, its not the end result they crave but the experience of the process. Those seeking growth are those who step out of the victim mindset and take responsibility for the direction of their lives, their thinking patters, beliefs and behaviours.


Q. Do you embrace challenges and look for ways to grow and develop yourself, or do you shy away from change?


Q. What areas of your life could you start improving in today which would prioritise growth over pleasure?


Faith for the future VS fear of the future


Within life coaching, faith isn’t seen as a religious concept, it’s a mindset. Without faith of our futures, we like in a state of apathy and passivity. If people don’t have faith in themselves, they tend to be afraid to step outside their comfort zone because they live in fear and therefore live selfishly (within self-preservation). If we operate in faith, we are protective in our lives because we are not worrying about how we will be received in the future and what will happen to us. #


Q. Do you take risks with the faith that thigs will work out for the best, or do you tend to ‘play it safe’ due to the fear of making mistake? How much more could you achieve with your life if you were to stop exercising fear and start exercising more faith?




Decisiveness VS double mindedness


Decisiveness is a mindset client’s should adopt because it demonstrates that they’ve moved beyond their fear of the future and failure. People who are motivated by making a difference in life are more decisive in their decisions than those seeking money and fame because they are driven by a passion and moral initiative which is greater than themselves. Those who are indecisive are in such a predicament because they are unsure about who they truly are, what they stand fir and what their motives should be.


Q. In what areas of your life do you find yourself second-guessing yourself or changing your mind?


Q. Can you identify areas of your life where you are only motivated by superficial and selfish things such as money and fame? How ca you translate your thinking in these areas to assign a greater motivation?


Ruled by facts VS governed by feelings


A life ruled by facts is one in which is stable and constant, where as a life ruled by feelings is one which is turbulent and susceptible to spontaneous change. Feelings are very rarely based on facts: you could say that ‘I don’t feel like I’m good enough for …’ but that doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough. We can all achieve anything we commit too and prepare ourselves for: the only thing which impedes out ability is our feelings. Feelings are not facts: they shouldn’t have as much power over us as they do.


Q. are you complete honest with yourself and others in all areas of your life?


Q. Do you hold yourself back just to keep peace with others?


Q. Who could you be more honest with today if you weren’t worried about how others would reacr?


Driven by progress VS driven by safety


How much progress do you expect to make in your comfort zone? When most people feel pressure and stress in life, they retreat into their comfort zone and hide away from responsibility and the difficulties being thrown their way. This is because they are driven by security and self-preservation. The problem is that no amount of growth can be achieved in the limited real of someone’s comfort zone. Whilst stress isn’t something which people should encourage in their life, its not something which should be avoided but managed. If more people took the time out to work on how to manager their stress (along with physical and mental effects it causes), more people would be comfortable and confident in their ability to cope with stressful situations and allow the experience to be a learning curve for them, rather than something which pushes them back in life or into a state of petrified stagnation.


Q. What are the unhelpful and helpful ways you respond to stress?




Q. What are the most stressful situations you find yourself in that cause you to resort to seeking safe yet ultimately unhelpful coping mechanisms? How are these situations different from the kinds of stressful situations you find yourself capable of managing? Analyse the two different stress related scenarios and identity what triggers are ‘unmanageable’ stressful situation VS a manageable one.


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