Sep 27, 2020 in Coaching
Using your Belief System to Improve Motivation
Motivation can be simply defined as the intuition (or the certainty) that there is a solution to our problems...
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How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
Motivation can be simply defined as the intuition (or the certainty) that there is a solution to our problems, and that, somehow, we can work out that solution. In other words, when we are motivated, we truly believe that we have the potential to progress and find the solution.
For example, I can be motivated to exercise because I know I can handle it and I know it will help me to achieve my goals (whether they are physical, mental or spiritual goals).
Like when you try to open a coconut. You are motivated to open the coconut for two reasons:
1) You want to eat the coconut (yummy!).
2) You know it is possible for you to achieve it, despite possible barriers. Even more than that, you can feel that possibility, you have the intuition of it! Yeah! Let’s go!
People that are not motivated are generally stuck in phase 1), but it can also be phase 2).
The point is that you need both 1) and 2) to get motivated.
Now, the problem is that we tend to think that motivation only lies on action. This is natural because the word “motivation” comes from the Latin word for “movement”. However, this turns to be a wrong belief that impedes motivation to happen.
In fact, as said before, the main part of motivation is about believing in yourself, which means that you respect yourself and your limitations. If you do not believe in yourself, then you do not respect yourself. As a consequence, you keep expecting yourself to achieve things, to be into action all the time. Basically, you are neglecting the fact that you need to adapt the process to your limitations.
Therefore, motivation is not just about having enough energy to achieve something… right now! (like the stereotypical coach that shouts: “5 more! Come on! I know you can do it!”).
Motivation is mainly about believing in a learning process that takes place inside of you.
You don’t own it, you just decide to cultivate it.
Let’s recap: the first bad belief is “motivation = movement”.
(Well, there is always movement in motivation, but it is not just about obvious action: it goes back and forth from yin to yang and yang to yin)
Now, another bad belief that kills motivation is believing that we must do our task in less than 10 minutes (or whatever is your time lapse).
This is like : “If I cannot open the coconut in less than 50 seconds, I don’t even see the point about eating it!” or “If I cannot win the Nobel prize within my first years, I don’t even see the point about becoming a scientist”.
In this way, you are killing motivation because you are not respecting your limitations (once again).
If you do not succeed to meet your expectations in the time-lapse you imposed to yourself, then you will be frustrated, you will feel no reward, and in the end, you will lack the motivation to finish what you have begun.
However, conversely, if you can get rid of time, it allows you to reward yourself and acknowledge your progress at every baby step along your journey.
And with rewards comes greater motivation…
Now, are you really motivated to become more motivated?
If so, maybe you can start working on your belief system.