Feb 18, 2021 in Life Coaching
Trying Something New
How to work through the discomfort of trying something new so you can grow.
How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
Hello you, thank you for being here and taking a chance to explore the unknown with me.
I wrote this blog for you because we all experience the same emotions as human beings when trying something completely out of our comfort zone.
Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of being judged.
Maybe you experience all three simultaneously, which I know I do! And you know what? That is okay.
My goal in this blog is to open up space to explore and gift you with valuable tools that I have learned along the way. I want to help you overcome the dreaded fear that has dimmed the fire in your heart.
Are you ready?
Great! I am honoured to have you here!
Why Trying Something New Is Important
Before we dive headfirst into the world of discomfort and growth of trying something new, let’s address the importance of it.
When we are just babies, we have zero boundaries. There is no understanding between boundaries of where we end and life begins. Hence, when you give an infant a pair of keys, they start to scream when you take them away.
The infant at that moment experiences being part of the keys.
Then as we grow older, we begin to understand our boundaries more and more. We no longer identify ourselves as other objects. However, someone else’s values, beliefs, and judgments hinder our growth because we learn to identify with them. Are you catching on to what I am saying?
As we grow older, family values, social constructs, judgements, and past experiences begin to shape and confine us into who we think we should be to be accepted.
Something that dimmed my fire was the judgments and backbiting words of others.
I grew far apart from myself and reality, living in fear of ever doing something that could displease another person or create a doorway to pass judgment on me. I desperately wanted to be accepted, but that backfired.
Then a few years ago, someone gave me a gift. It was a simple gift of space and boundless amounts of patience.
It was a physical and emotional space where my emotions, ideas, questions, and humanness were welcome. There were no limitations or boundaries to how far I could go to question who I was.
Trying something new is like walking through a dark forest and only being able to see so much of what’s ahead. The shadows lingering in the night stir up discomfort and rile our fears. But when the forest is no longer dark, what do you see?
The importance of trying something new helps stimulate growth; it pushes our boundaries and helps us overcome the thoughts that we are bound by. Trying something new helps us overcome thoughts that tell us to turn around and instead experience the beauty in reaching our destination.
Let’s Explore Your Discomfort
Where do your borders lie? What are you most afraid of that keeps you from walking through the dark forest at night?
What are you sacrificing in your life to please others?
Is this how you want to live?
I imagine not.
Every human being has a choice when it comes to matters of the heart and life. Although, to unchain from old memories and judgments of others is the real challenge.
That is where the work begins, and the first step is to gain awareness by learning to quiet the mind and drop into your body.
Connect with me to learn about building a relationship with your body.
How Does Trying Something New Emulate Growth?
3 Ways Trying Something New Emulates Growth
1. Exploring Limits
When opportunities present themselves, do you choose growth or protection?
In simpler terms, your partner wants to 100% commit to you in the relationship, and that scares the last breath out of you.
Do you make excuses about why this will not work out or acknowledge your fear of commitment and choose to work through it?
Exploring your limits is a good thing. You get a chance to learn about what you are capable of and what you no longer want to be a part of your life.
Learning to drop in into your body and the present moment can help you understand when something is worth fighting for or when something no longer serves you.
It is a relationship of being in unison with yourself that helps you pick and choose what no longer belongs on your shelf of life.
Building self-awareness is the key to living an authentic life because it pushes you to look at your behaviour and audit yourself.
Are you showing up for others with expectations? What is driving you to react to every little thing at work? Why are you judging this stranger’s outfit choice?
When we are self-aware, we can change our behaviour and understand the underlying motive behind our actions.
It does not give you a free pass at life and validation for specific actions. Instead, it is a tool that allows you to own your role. It is a tool that gives you the strength to stand face to face with adversity and say I made a mistake. I will do this differently next time, or this is something I am working through.
Being self-aware gives you space to accept each moment as well as hold space and understanding for others.
3. Reignite Your Fire
The moment you decide to explore the unknown is when you begin to fuel the fire inside your heart.
I know you have a thirst for excitement and a curiosity for all things life.
But wait, who drowned the fire inside your heart? Who told you you couldn’t be an artist because that’s not a real job?
Who told you that you must know what you want to be when you grow up? Who decides when you get to grow up?
Did someone tell you it’s wrong to sing aloud in public or that no one cares about what you have to say?
Somewhere down the line, something happened, and it rained water over your fire.
Your heart’s fire is out, but it doesn’t mean forever. When we choose to drop into our bodies and learn to connect with our emotions, we gain awareness, and with that, we slowly learn to reignite.
All hearts deserve to burn passionately.
A Quick Summary
Trying something new will inevitably bring discomfort and growth.
To understand our discomfort, we must learn to connect to our bodies. After we know what drives our behaviours, thoughts, and emotions, we can heal and make appropriate changes.
When we know what’s going on beneath the surface of our being, we can try something new because we can hold space for the fear that lingers in the shadow of the forest, in other words, your heart.
We can shed light on the fear and nurture it or recognize that it is not real.
As we move further along in our journeys, we get the chance to explore our limits, stretch our self-awareness to new heights, and keep on fueling our passions for life.
A Real-Life Example From My Life
Once upon a time, middle school kids’ backbiting words in Port Coquitlam, Canada, destroyed my self-esteem throughout my teenage years. The experience of being bullied is my shadow in the dark forest that I was afraid of facing.
Being bullied has taught me that words hurt more than falling flat on my face. I used to think that the scars the comments left behind on my heart were permanent. I believed them to be true, so they defined the core being of who I was.
I learned that the scars take a while longer to heal, and they require a different kind of approach.
A few years had gone by, and I watched my insecurity and distrust in people tarnish my relationships one by one. I was tired, and I was falling into self-sabotaging habits that temporarily masked how I felt. I have suppressed my pain so deep that I couldn’t feel a single thing.
We don’t always get the opportunity to say what we want to tell people, and often the words get stuck inside the body, stewing for days, if not years. Writing letters about what happened to you or directly addressing a letter to a particular person, place, or thing gives you a chance to express yourself.
I wrote hundreds of letters that no one ever got to read except for me. It’s been liberating to let a waterfall stream of consciousness spill on paper. In the last few months, I came up against the pain I felt from people’s backbiting words, and it was time to write a letter to my bullies.
What Or Who Do You Need To Address?
What is circling in your thoughts right now?
What has been left unsaid in your life that you regret to this day?
Whatever it is, do you want to make space for it by writing about it?
Let your thoughts run wild and write. Don’t worry about errors or spelling or constructing it perfectly. Just write and don’t hold back.
After you’ve written something down,
Walk away from it. Tuck it away, and come back to it in a few months or a year.
Or, you can read it out loud.
The power of saying the words out loud is transformational because you give yourself space to express all that you have wanted to say.
It’s like allowing yourself to finally take a deep breath because you are no longer trying to suppress or hold on tight to something.
Your tears are welcome. Your anger is welcome. Your laughter and joy are welcome.
You are welcome in this space. If you think you still have more to say, write. Perhaps next time, you’ll feel ready to read the letter out loud to somebody in your life that you trust.
If this is not how you want to proceed with your letter, then there are other sacred ways that you can honour the words you’ve written.
I understand it is pretty ambiguous to share in front of others or even say what you have to say aloud. It comes with practice while building a relationship with yourself, where you can honour what you experience moment to moment.
You can honour your letter by having a ceremony/ritual that can complete your experience.
An example would be to burn the letter after you’ve written it or tear it up into a million pieces.
My favourite is planting the letter into the soil of the earth or planting a flower over it. The flower serves as a reminder that nothing in life is permanent, and everything has its time and seasons.
Or perhaps it could mean something entirely different for you, and that is welcome too.
As We Wrap This Up
I want to thank you for spending time reading my blog.
The journey of self-discovery is intimate, and there are millions of paths we can take.
I hope that trying something new inspires you to grow and pushes you to question your limitations.
You can reignite the fire in your heart, and I invite you to reach out.