Oct 17, 2022 in Therapy

Emotional Intelligence

High EQ is an ability to manage our emotions and use them to empathize or dissolve conflicts. A great skill to be passed on.

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Today, raising children with high EQ is equally important as high IQ. Even if we value IQ far more than EQ; our changing world demands attention to the neglected emotions, helping us evolve into better human beings. Instead of saying, stop crying, creating space for the children and adults to express themselves without criticizing or calling names is important for their mental and emotional well-being. There is nothing to fix but accept and help them build confidence, strength, patience, and self-control. Trauma, abuse patients, and young kids can be easily swayed into substance abuse or addictions as they are unable to control their inner world. Our emotional world can create havoc in our children's lives. No wonder many companies today seek high EQ employees to handle complex problems. Simple techniques and strategies can be taught and integrated into our routine to live happy, fulfilled lives.

A steady rise in mental illness and emotional distress is seen all over the world as we have been trained to repress emotions, called naughty, troublemakers when we are only responding to the toxic environment. Children and us adults too crave love and support. 

No wonder many emotionally intelligent people embrace the Atomium rule to be more productive while prioritizing mental health. The Atomium is a unique huge structure in Brussels built in 1958. It stands over 330 feet (100 meters) tall and consists of nine connected stainless steel spheres to represent an iron crystal magnified 165 billion times. Great work cannot be rushed. It teaches us to slow down and adjust the schedule which not only reduces stress levels but also creates opportunity. The Atomium wasn't built in one day. Neither will your great work be. It's worth taking a step back with important decisions in life so you can avoid making the same mistakes again and share the wisdom with others.

While getting off a bus in Auckland, I witnessed a strong-built bus driver swearing and throwing away an old lady's vegetable trolley on the side in a fit of anger, I felt very sad for the lady who just grinned and nodded her head and mad at the driver for his inhumane mistreatment. Hardly, did I know, it was just the beginning of the power fight and violent episodes, and threats experienced and witnessed much later. A similar incident happened to me on a bus while coming from Mangere after a successful interview. The bus driver screeched the brakes suddenly and all the passengers were pushed forward with a jerk. I asked him to slow down in a calm voice. He looked at me angrily from the mirror and asked if I wanted to do his job. I replied calmly, he was doing a great job. He stopped the bus and got off his seat and walked towards me and held my hand asking me to get off the bus in the middle of the road, I refused and asked him to leave my hand as it was hurting me. Surprisingly, the passengers were only watching and a male in the backseat asked the bus driver to go and deal with me later at the station, He yelled at another male passenger to get off. I was shaking when I got off the bus and burst into tears while reporting the incident; however, I didn't want the driver to lose his job. The aim was to uproot the mentality or demons and not target the person or stereotype his culture, religion, etc. A bitter taste of racism and bullying in NZ, unethical practice, a darker reality shown to me. I questioned my existence and asked why me. What is the experience trying to teach me? Cursed me for attracting bullies and thanked God for giving me the strength to stand up, indulged in all the negative talk, and self-doubts others fed into my mind. Bus authorities carried out the investigation and apologized as they were concerned for the safety of women, the elderly, and children. I had many sleepless nights and lived in fear, scared of men and gaslighting women for many years. I am still on alert and healing from the trauma and panic attacks. Much later, I realized, it was his emotional baggage, and not mine. I started to value and respect myself even more as I evolved on this journey.

I involved myself in healing therapies and practiced them with my family. Laughter yoga, watching comedy movies, celebrating small moments, voluntary work, and playing with pets, and children. Singing and writing helped me shift my focus to the positive, good vibes around me and appreciate myself. The journey helped me discover the hidden creativity source and let go of the whole negative, painful experience. The swinging between tyrant-rebel and victim-rescuer consciousness was naturally witnessed in my surroundings. Shifting the focus leads to breaking free from behavioural patterns or addictions to build healthy habits and relationships. Monitoring the gradual progress from victim to victor mindset and choosing love over fear can make a big difference in building self-esteem, and self-control for trauma patients.

Only if we could go deep beyond the surface-level facade of anger, pain, criticism, bullying, guilt, fear, and hatred, the possibility of building a better world with emotionally balanced people not remote.

Author: Pranoti Gupta

Disclaimer: This was a personal life-changing experience leading to transformation and growth as nothing is a coincidence in life.

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