Apr 1, 2021 in Life Coaching
Understand the emotion of fear to manage it better! Here is a different way of looking at fear to really get over it.
How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
Among the many motivators that are known to those who introspect, is fear. While there is no shame in accepting motivating emotions like pleasure, curiosity, achievement, ambition, and power, not many would like to accept that they are motivated by fear too.
Irrespective of whether it is accepted and expressed, fear is a strong motivating factor in human beings. Don’t mistake bravado and external show of courage to mean fearlessness. Often an external show of bravado signifies the exact opposite of what someone is trying to make you believe. Real courage and fearlessness are far more calm and internal!
The Root Cause of Fear
Why we operate from a position of fear is deeply rooted in our psychology and physiology. Understanding it gives us the power to control and counter this emotion that can be debilitating. It can also help in avoiding a lot of mistakes that are caused by decisions made from fear.
Our ancestors lived in the forest among other fauna. For millions of years, the position of homo sapiens was somewhere in the middle of the food chain. The large cats and even the hyenas were above us in the food chain. Without razor-sharp claws, pointed canines, or extraordinary muscle strength, human beings had to wait their turn after the lion had had his fill and the hyenas had devoured what was left. No wonder we started using tools to reach the marrow of animals to consume what the hyenas could not get to. However, some sudden discoveries and inventions moved us straight from the middle order to the top of this food chain in a matter of a few years.
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As man became more cognitively aware, he started creating tools that mimicked the sharp teeth of the panther and leopard. He also discovered fire which made other predators fear him. Such dominance acquired in a short time was completely different from an erstwhile natural process where evolution took its time modifying species for survival.
The lion achieved dominance over the jungle over a long period of time. His increase in strength and ability was also countered with the ability of the prey to run faster or camouflage itself or climb trees. The balance of nature was always maintained. A long-drawn process of dominance that is acquired because of natural strength comes with a lot of self-confidence.
Man, however, did not acquire this strength-based on biological evolution. It was a coup made possible due to brain development. The position at the top was not based on body size, wingspan, sharp beak, or poison but from an ability to manipulate nature and natural elements like fire. A relatively weak human could start a fire and burn down a whole forest along with all the fauna of the area equipped with only a couple of flintstones.
Without an intrinsic capability, man always remained anxious and fearful of losing his position! No human being would be afraid to fly had they grown wings in the process of evolution and started to fly on their own.
Power along with lack of self-confidence has made humans into dangerous creatures; far more destructive for humankind, nature, and earth than any other predator nature has ever known.
Fear Rules Us Even Today?
At an individual level, we are scared to lose our position in society. We are worried about what people will think of us. We want to show that we are important people who have power in communities, groups, and organizations. Since we perceive ourselves to be in a position of strength, we fear that we will lose that. All this, even though we no longer live in a jungle and have nothing to fear from predators or the natural calamities that our ancestors had to face.
Fear does not operate only at the individual level. It operates in societies, governments, organizations, and corporates too. The ruling party in the government is forever worried about losing its position of power in the next election. Developing countries are anxious about the developing nations taking over their jobs and emerging as economic leaders. Despite being globally-connected, ethnic hatred and xenophobia percolate many minds.
The very basis of many religious practices is fear. Judgment day and kayamat (day of judgment in Islam) is an overbearing factor to be considered when evaluating the moral value of any action. Will this action lead to a step towards heaven or towards hell? Rituals not performed properly could mean a black spot on your moral character.
Is Fear all Bad?
Not really! From our own experiences, we know that as a physiological reaction, fear can often warn us of bad things to come. If we have not lost the ability to listen to our gut and instincts, we can realize that often enough, it tells us the truth. What is lacking is our own ability to recognize it. We have the ability to sense danger just like other animals. We have, however, suppressed it over time because we consider ourselves to be masters who can manipulate and change the tide of things to come.
With higher levels of cognitive abilities, industry, and science & technology we do have the ability to change the course of nature to a large extent. But we have lost the ability to listen to nature, our own gut, and act accordingly too!
Don’t brush off this emotion as ‘black’. Listen to it when your body tells you to. It is an instinct that you have developed, and for good reason.
Don’t listen to it in the context of man-made things. Don’t listen to it when you are scared to end a marriage because you fear what other people will say. Don’t listen to it when you are anxious about changing your career to do something you love. Don’t listen to it when you want to dance and play! Don’t listen to it when you feel you will lose all your money if you put it into a new venture which you are passionate about.
Which of your societal/man-made fears will you let go today?