How do you feel with " commitment"?
Explore your thoughts in a relationship.
Have you ever had some thoughts such as the following:
I don't like to be committed.
I want to be free.
I don't like to be responsible.
I want to have my own time.
I don't like to be controlled.
Are you ready to explore what is happening on your mind about these simple words?
It is interesting to know that you are so sensitive to these words/phrases that you dislike when you are facing them in other people. For example if you have a flight which is canceled at the last minute, you would be so upset about it and perhaps think they are not responsible at all. Or when something happens out of your control e.g. the current COVID-19 pandemic situation, you feel deeply insecure because of lack of control over it.
So be aware that all those above things mean that you have a hard time applying them for yourself, but you are eagerly expecting others to do them for you.You want your family to be committed to their words and duties, your partner to be free to spend time with you, your friend to be responsible for joining the trip which you planned before, and you feel good when you have control on your time, money and environment.
You know why? Because being committed, responsible, controllable and having privacy are all good behaviors if not exceeding the normal extent. The feelings of safety, security, predictability and respect are all coming along with them which is really good.
However, the question is, why are you running away from it? what is happening on your mind which is freaking you out?
Definitely, the answer is "Misunderstanding the word based on your wrong beliefs.
When it comes to yourself the word "Responsibility" comes with 100 lbs. burden on your shoulders.
Or when you need to reply the simple E-mail, you might feel the sender is forcing you to reply and has an intention to control your work.
When your friend asks you to have dinner together, you might feel like you need your privacy so you will bring more excuses to refuse it.
When you want to start a realtionship for a one second you want to be in and the following second you might prefer to be out of it. Literally, you are constantly shifting between these two points. So your behavior would be so weird and confusing through your partner's eyes, because you think that if you are committed, you are killing yourself. Commitment to you means no more breathing room.
Alright, now we are half way through since you are aware that your mind is working in a wrong way when it comes to yourself. Your mind works like a magnifier 100x for yourself but when it comes to your expectation from people around you this magnifier power goes down to 50x which is still bigger than the actual reality. That's why you are more sensitive to those modalities in others as well.
So why do you think this way? What happened?
Unfortunately, when we were kids we were so vulnerable. We see most of the things bigger than the real ones. It seems we made a big issue out of the small conflict there, and now even though we are adult, we never had a chance to get back to our archive to declutter them. That's why we are still struggling with them unintentionally.
Now what is the solution: We can approach it in two different ways;