Mar 10, 2020 in Life Coaching

Why do attraction standards fluctuate?

Notice how these things all relate to the ability to bare and care for offspring. These things have remained constant and will likely stand the test of time well into the future because they are preprogrammed into our minds by the necessity for the surviv

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Back in 3000 BC, when I was a kid, attractiveness meant for men being fat and pasty white, for women it was the same thing because that meant you don’t have to go out and scavenge for resources, you had plenty of food and people out hunting for you. That was the dream. In the 20th century, we developed modern conveniences like electricity, air conditioning, and automobiles, meaning a much softer society. People didn’t need to be millionaires to be fat and pasty, they could now do it in the comfort of their homes! Food was now bought in supermarkets. Only then was the norm for what was considered attractive shifted to include people who were tan, muscular, fit, and well-groomed. (Look at Roger Moore or Sean Connery’s James Bond character. These guys were not even close to muscular!) It wasn’t even until the 1970s that gyms became a big deal, with movies like Rocky making them a new mainstream commodity. Fast food was now the norm for the average person. Now being fat was getting to be a problem and not a sign of wealth. Now, since everyone, including and especially those with less access to means of exercise and “healthy” food, it has come to mean those who take care of their bodies through tanning, working out and plastic surgery to remove the slightest hint of cellulite, it’s now simply unacceptable for someone to have a pooch belly or be ice cream-white. Eww! In fact, now we have “movements” out there emphasizing “body-positive” models and trying to make them socially acceptable, we are about to come full circle, and perhaps 100 years from now being fat and pale will be attractive again.


The one thing that has remained constant in people’s perception of attractiveness is this in men:


  1. Smart
  2. Physically strong 
  3. Access to an abundance of resources 
  4. Superior personality traits like communication skills
  5. Leader of a tribe 
  6. Emotional stability 
  7. Being found attractive by other women


In women:


  1. Symmetrical face
  2. Ample bosom for breastfeeding
  3. Wide birthing hips 
  4. Pleasant demeanor/agreeableness 
  5. Inferior strength 
  6. Short stature compared to her mate 
  7. Nurturing personality 


Notice how these things all relate to the ability to bare and care for offspring. These things have remained constant and will likely stand the test of time well into the future because they are preprogrammed into our minds by the necessity for the survival of the species. 


If one seeks to make themselves more attractive, attaining these attributes is a worthwhile investment, however, the current societal norms should not be ignored, as they are what most people are fed day in and day out through advertising, media and social circles. It is possible for one to be highly attracted to another because they possess all the “basic” attributes, yet due to fear of liking someone “outside the norm” and being ostracized from their “tribe” for it, in this case meaning their social circle, the potential mate will move onto someone more up to the times, because this primal fear of being an outcast from their tribe for their choice of mate is as real and hard-wired as an of our other basic attraction mechanisms. 


Therefore it is also a necessity to make sure you stay at the forefront of what is currently deemed attractive in your “tribe” which will greatly vary by country and culture, so as not to get ruled out by a potential mate for something as silly as “wearing cargo shorts” or “ a haircut that’s SO last year”. 


Being updated with current trends (or even creating them) is in and of itself a valuable asset in today’s 21st-century dating pool. So don’t dismiss people’s criticism of your appearance or habits. What people often mistake as “hazing” is likely a gentle prodding, almost a caring act of trying to get you to step up to what the current trend is so as not to become ostracized for it. 


In fact, in earlier times, the standard for masculinity was to become an “alpha male.” However as we become a more intelligent, more evolved society, it is not only becoming less of a necessity to become more “alpha” to be attractive, it can in some cases be a liability. In fact “betas” are marrying the women that alphas pine after (although women cheat on betas with alphas.) The lines continue to blur as we advance as a society, where even the very nature of gender is up for new interpretation. This makes it increasingly exhausting for millennials and Gen Z to keep up, and even understanding what’s acceptable and attractive has become a full-time job. 


There’s a distinct list of positive qualities that an alpha male carries that makes them inherently attractive (i.e. being confident, secure and possessing sufficient resources to be better than average), but the list of issues with alphas in regards to long-term relationships (romantic or otherwise) can be extensive, and many alphas wind up becoming players (it’s what they’re good at) while betas, possessing important attributes such as agreeableness, compassion and empathy, lend themselves to more success in long term relationships, once they finally find a woman willing to accept them. A woman these days would rather wear the pants in the family if she has to in order to compensate for her man’s lack of these characteristics, in exchange for safety and security, yet will quickly become bored and seek excitement in the arms of a damaged, emotionally unavailable alpha male. This is the cause of many toxic relationships and is likely a key contributor to the astonishing divorce rate today.


What’s the solution then? How can a man possibly keep up in 2020 when he has only these two options to choose from? The women, who throughout history have been “selected” by a man of her tribe, or her father, now has the choice to date and marry any man that she sees fit. This forces men to step up and, if they wish to be selected, must demonstrate these necessary qualities, and even go as far as changing himself to fit the current trend of attractiveness. And this is a good thing. His original goal of becoming an “alpha” in order to attract women has been moved, and perhaps to his advantage, there is now a third option:


Enter Omega Male. 


The term “Omega Male” bridges the wide gap between an alpha and a beta (or a man’s man and an effeminate man). An Omega understands the characteristics that women actually respond to, and not what they say they want. Ask any woman what she finds attractive and she will be quick to tell you “tall, rich, handsome, muscular, and confident” yet leave many men scratching their heads when they see them walk down the aisle with someone who is the antithesis of this description. 


Whereas a traditional “Alpha” has his life together to a high degree, the key qualities he lacks in regards to emotional stability and empathy keep him from being selected as a long term partner. 


This is why it’s important for 21st century men to educate themselves on the proper way to go about dating in today’s day and age. Men who fail to step up will end up as betas, and men who step on people’s necks in order to climb to the top of the social ladder and experience many chaotic, toxic relationships will end up as the lonely alpha. 


Only once men learn to pick and choose the qualities that actually get them ahead in life, such as combining confidence with agreeableness, empathy with charisma, and a high performer yet compassionate, will they be able to experience true freedom of choice among women, and empower themselves to once again become the selectors instead of the selected, because these men are currently a rarity, less than 3% of men can fit this description. That’s my mission as founder of Kismet Academy, to build an army of attractive, socially competent, yet emotionally balanced men who will not become takers of value from women but will become rich and abundant in value so they have much to give their partners, their “tribes” and the world. 


If you’d like to learn more about becoming an Omega Male, join us at Kismet Academy, the world’s most advanced online training platform that turns losers into lovers. You can also preorder my book “The Omega Male” by clicking on this link, or download my free ebook “10 Bulletproof Openers” for use on any online dating platform. 


Until next time.


Your friend,



Ryan Cruise

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