Jan 15, 2020 in Business Coaching

Moving From a Problem Mindset to a Solution Mindset

A quick and simple technique to develop a solution mindset

How do I fix a marriage after cheating??

My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help

Answer 86 answers • 6 Experts joined

Caligirl

28 Nov

Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him

Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?

Answer 67 answers • 6 Experts joined

Huttslady

28 Nov

Help

We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?

Answer 67 answers • 6 Experts joined

Caligirl

1 Dec

Idk what to do

My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them

Answer 46 answers • 6 Experts joined

Ashleigh

30 Nov

Lost and confused at a crossroads

My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling

Answer 49 answers • 4 Experts joined

Diya Singh

28 Nov

How can I get my teen to confide in me

I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this

Answer 104 answers • 14 Experts joined

Mommy22

28 Nov

What do I do?

I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.

Answer 80 answers • 6 Experts joined

John Hayward

28 Nov

I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.

He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?

Answer 71 answers • 4 Experts joined

Martha Diaz

2 Dec

Shared custody

It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?

Answer 44 answers • 5 Experts joined

Christie

2 Dec

What should I do?

My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD

Answer 43 answers • 3 Experts joined

The questions you ask yourself determine the answers you get!

Imagine that you type into a computer the sentence “I don’t want this sentence to appear on the screen of this computer.” Will that sentence appear on the screen? Of course it will because your computer has to work with the information you give it.

Well guess what, your brain works in exactly the same way!

It is compelled to answer any question you ask it.

Here is a short exercise that I teach to all my NLP coaching clients, to help move them quickly from a problem mindset to a solution mindset.

Sit down with a pen and a piece of paper.

Choose a problem you have that you have not yet resolved.

Ask yourself the question “Why is this a problem?”

Now write down at least five reasons as to why this is a problem.

If you get stuck keep asking yourself "and what else?"

Now thinking about the same situation, this time instead of asking "why is this a problem?" change your question question to “What has to happen for this situation to be resolved?”

Now write down at least seven ways this situation can be resolved. It does not matter how trivial these options are.

Again if you get stuck, keep asking "and what else?" One of your solutions could be you don't have to do anything, be creative and come up with as many things as you can.

Am I correct in sating you now have more possible solutions than reason as to why this is a problem.

Only two things changed:

1. Instead of referring to soemthing as a problem, you linguistically changed "problem to situation' This small change is enough for your brain to begin searching for choices because you have a different feelings about a situation compared to a problem.

2. By asking "What has to happen?" rather that "What do you have to do?" The responsibility for solving this problem can be with other people and not just you. This opens up the brain to search for all possible outcomes because it no longer feels like your responsibility.

The aim of this exercise to help your brain come up with choices because the more choices you create the less likely you are to remain stuck in the problem.