Jun 9, 2020 in Counseling
How to Reshape the Past You Dislike to Build the Future You Want
If Michael Jordan can transform basketball using this technique, you can change your life using the same techniques.
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How do I fix a marriage after cheating??
My husband of 5 years has cheated on me. I'm heartbroken. Can I fix our marriage?? Is there hope for us?? Will things get better? Please help
Am I over reacting? Am I the one in the wrong no him
Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he denied cheating on me but everything points to the opposite he's gone to spend the night with his baby moma and her kids in a hotel he rated me put to her when I called the cops on her for her vandalizing my car he would defend her when I would bring thing up about her and he has a video of her playing with her self am I wrong for being mad?
We both have insecurities and trust issues due to past relationships... So, there's the back and forth accusations, yelling, name calling, etc. We are both extremely jealous and have no communication skills. We love each other but sometimes Love isn't enough to make someone understand that you aren't going to hurt them. How can we help each other overcome these issues?
Idk what to do
My boyfriend and I have been fighting because he found some old messages that I had when we started going out, the messages are not bad the conversations where just like hi and bye kind of thing but because I told him I wasn't talking to anyone he's mad but da whole time he was still hanging out with his baby momma behind my back and he would delete all his messages to her so I wouldn't see them
Lost and confused at a crossroads
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years now. We have had a very tumultuous relationship both of us have hurt each other very much on each parts. But he’s done a lot more wrong it has no accountability. But my question is how do you handle it because anytime I try to talk to him about anything he automatically yells at me, deflects, accuse me of cheating. How do you go about handling
How can I get my teen to confide in me
I've been trying to get my son to confide in me about why he is feeling so depressed. He is 15 years old and a very good teen but have no idea why he is so withdrawn and quiet. Please help me I cant bear to see him like this
What do I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Recently separated mom with 2 young girls and pregnant with my 3rd.
I took my son's Ipad away because I'm at my wit's end with him.
He is so addicted and doesn’t want to do anything else. Can anyone tell me whether I did the right thing or am I being too harsh?
It's 3 y I divorced and we have shared custody of 2 lovely kids. Any advice on how to make them understand that divorced parents is ok?
What should I do?
My son is acting out in school and giving people the middle finger and running around and hitting when he is restrained and he also has speech apraxia and may have ADHD
While watching ESPN’s The Last Dance, featuring the story of Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls, I noticed a consistent theme. Jordan routinely used setbacks as fuel to propel him past the competition. How did he do it? It’s called Reconstruction Relationships using Purpose Capital. The next 4 examples illustrate how Michael Jordan did it, and reveals how you can too.
- LaBradford Smith of the Washington Wizards told Michael Jordan “good game” after scoring 37 pts against him. In the guise of sportsmanship, Smith’s statement was routine. For Jordan, it was not a “good game” however, since he had been outplayed by a no-name player. The next night the teams met again, but with a far different outcome. Jordan scored 37 points in the first half, matching Smith’s scoring total in the last game! Jordan used the previous game as purpose capital to reconstruct the relationship.
- When Charlotte Hornet guard BJ Armstrong secured the game scoring in the last 20 seconds, he screamed in jubilation and starred down his former Chicago Bulls teammates. For the moment, Armstrong gloated over the victory, as Jordan took note. The Hornets defeated the Bulls. Armstrong and the teammates would not win another game, as the Bulls who went on to win three straight in the series and won the NBA Finals that year. Jordan used BJ Armstrong’s celebration as purpose capital to reconstruct the relationship.
- When Nick Anderson of the Orlando Magic, said, "45 isn't 23" the Magic had defeated the Bulls. The next game Jordan changed back to his famed number 2 Jordan was still rusty after having played baseball the previous 18 months. Wanting the feeling of his former glory days, the jersey change didn't help the Bulls win that year. However, in the following year, 23 returned and won another championship. Jordan used the comments and the defeat as purpose capital to reconstruct the relationship.
- Super Sonics head coach George Karl decided to snub Michael Jordan at a restaurant before the start of the Finals. Jordan and Karl are North Carolina Tar heels who played golf together. Jordan said, “He walked right past me, you're gonna do this? OK, fine. That's all I needed. That's all I needed — for him to do that — and it became personal with me.” In the series, Jordan would average 27.3 points, 5.3 rebounds and 2 assists. The Bulls defeated the Super Sonics, 4-2 and went on to capture their fourth NBA championship. Jordan reshaped the snub, and built another championship. Jordan used Karl’s brushoff as purpose capital to reconstruct the relationship.
Reconstructing relationships draws from the deep wells of purpose creating rich experiences also known as purpose capital. In each of Jordan’s examples, he drew from the experience, reframed what it meant, and stored the motivation that lead to wins. This is the habit loop that made Jordan so successful. Despite the challenges, Michael Jordan turned his human experience into a rich experience, thereby breaking the chains that keep others players on the plateau of average. Rich experiences can only emerge when the past is reconstructed despite the instability of the moment.
Purpose capital is the result of the thoughts that emerge from moments of instability. As an infrastructure of purpose itself, purpose capital is a currency that can be spent or used to resist the urge to quit. LaBradford Smith discovered how purpose rich Michael Jordan was, as did Jordan’s former teammate BJ Armstrong. Jordan showed Nick Anderson and George Karl how much purpose capital he possessed too, as well as the rest of the National Basketball Association.
Reconstructing relationships produce purpose capital. When the past is turned into a rich experience, purpose capital can be spent on the present. Mentally reconstruct the past, but this time you’ll win – you’re still in the game. This habit will build up your purpose capital. The more you look at life through this lens you’ll win your own championships and use your opponents as allies that strengthen your future.