Jan 23, 2021 in Counseling
How To Survive Office Bullies And Win!
Just like anything else in society alot has changed, in the work force that would not have been tolerated such as Bullying.
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Office bullying is defined as ranging from isolating, stalking, verbally abusive threatening, sabotaging, relentless attack on those that are deemed as targets or victims.
The Bully in the work place, has a personal vendetta and whosoever he or she views as a personal threat becomes a "target" The target is a co-worker, the office bully or "mobbing"which is a group of office co-worker's that will select another Co-worker to be their victim to target by literally bullying their Co-worker in the office or work place.
Bullying starts being taken seriously:
Ordinarily as adults some of us tend to think of bullying as something children might do towards another child by being mean to another child. Some children were actually killing themselves from being bullied at school and more schools and officials started stepping up with awareness campaigns to help combat or an effort to stop bullying or "Mobbing which is a term used for more than one bully following someone as a target to cause that person verbal, emotional and even physical harm as well as abusive behavior to a person becoming a victim to bullying.
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This, type of behavior whether on the playground or at the Work Place or on the road..anywhere is cruel and needs to not be tolerated in society as just regular behavior. Both, children and adults should not have to encounter any type of abuse, not at home, school or the work place!
Being personally a target:
Personally, I have been targeted in both elementary as child, in college and in the work force as an adult too! So, I definitely, know what bullying feels like. I remember thinking.. when I was bullied at work one day I'm an adult now ..and I still felt that feeling of why me?..
Realization and prepared against bullying.
Once I realized that what was about to happen was work place bullying against me..I then went to war on my behalf in the work place. As, a child I told the adults, and they handled the bullying, for me. However, as an adult myself, I had to find a way to stand up for myself and I did !
I was being targeted by two co- worker's that teamed up on me at lunch time because, I wore a complimentary nice dress to work one day, no one had an issue with my dress except for those two women, and made an issue during the middle of lunch time. Yep!
Bully's use all sorts of tactics.
As other co-worker's were coming into the lunch area, and told me how nice I looked..These to earth disturbers decided that I shouldn't have worn the dress, I knew they were jealous and I didn't give it much of my energy as to what they thought, weeks later both women admited they were jealous of not just the dress, but also, how I carry myself. Then, the bullying started.. again, by one of the women that tried hard to body shame me at lunch time.
I documented everything.. I mean..everything! each time the bully said or did or even acted in an intimidating way..I wrote their, action, behavior or deed down and immediately went to my boss at the time, who was slow in responding to my concerns about the office Bully, I was in his office so much, it was like my second home. lol. I was being accused of harassing the Co- worker instead oh her actually, harassing me! I was to be terminated ..
She would literally pass me in the hall way and run to the office and create a lie and tell staff and the supervisor, I was harassing her.She would have been great actress..even to tears rolling down her face. It was unbelievable!
Only Until another Co-worker overheard the bully talking with one of the mobbing bullies conversations regarding me and reported on the work place bully's on my behalf and the camera in the building caught her stalking me! Finally, I was taken seriously.
However learned a huge lesson. Some co-workers will not like you or me, even to the point of trying to ruin my reputation, provoke you or me and some are so bold as to want to fight and will get a mobb of other co- workers that will team up against the target they see as a threat. I also, realized that I came out of that situation stronger.
The bully's technique is to study you to a science and then attack every area they think you are lacking in..low self esteem well, here you go, being passive aggressive and verbally assaulting followed up with.."I was just joking."
What does being a target actually have to do with the job? Absolutely nothing, the work force bully is looking for someone to take their aggression out on.
Now, being the target can have actually nothing to do with the job at hand, it can be based on pettiness and Jealousy example the target coming to work everyday or being a nice person, getting compliments on job performance, looks happy..anything imaginable in the mind set of the bully that triggers envy, Jealousy and hate.
I will also want to add there is a form of Psychological warfare used against the victim as well, like in my situation even if I smiled at the the one perpetrator, I forgot that I was at war in the office and smiling is part of my personality, she would report me as harassing her, and although my reputation for three years at that job was excellent,I was the one initially accused. Only, when the bully decided to leave the job after harassing other co-worker's and even supervisor's was she let go, however the damage was already done.
I still smile though, I won't let anyone take my smile from me, that's my super power and God's gift to me. No matter what!
Three reasons for office bullying.
1). Jealousy, people don't try to destroy those they don't see as a threat. Jealously of how the target dresses, gets along well with other's, courteous, happy..yes! All the qualities that the target has and the bully does not have and or does not want to improve on in their own life, so they choose someone that they think will be intimidated. At that moment, they found out..They grabbed a tiger by the tail, I wasn't having non of it! I mentally fought back and held onto my dignity an pride.
2). The target is focused does their job well.
3). Happy, there is not too many people happy in these times, based on their thoughts, actions and deeds, so when they see you, for example with your "Happy go lucky self" You become a huge threat, your not complaining, about working in the midst of a virus, your mind your business, helpful, smart, naturally kind and have awesome qualities on and off the job, that to them the bully or bully's job is to therefore, create chaos in your life in an attempt to make you miserable by any and I mean any means even if they Sabotage your work, steal things off your desk, create a lie against you to get you fired, pretend to be your friend, then you learn you have an office enemy.
So, how do you deal with an enemy that not only works with you, but also, makes it his or her second job to attack you, on every unimaginable level that can destroy, your mental, physical,emotional, psychological and even for some spiritual well being and means of living and having your basic needs met.
I suggest you learn how to fight, yep fight!.. with the mind!
I'm not talking about the "Meet me outside in the parking lot after work, " type of fight, "
1). Know Your Worth: On and off the job
I mean know your worth..not financial, but who are you? what do you bring to the table as an overall type of person? Are there things in your life you want or need to change or learn about yourself, a goal you personally want to reach? In other words in order to win this battle you will have to introspect yourself, don't wait for a bully to be your motivation though. I found that the more you are personally content and loving yourself, it's harder for hater's to attack and destroy you, but, as long as you don't have a I know and love myself plan...It's easier to be that, "Why Are We In The Office Person.." Don't be them. "Well, I get along with everybody" but does everbody get along with you? That's the question. This is why you must know your self worth.
2). BE READY..Document immediately each incident leave nothing out, no matter how trivial it may seem. You will need to be clear and ready for whatever if you are called into the office.
3). Study your opponent, yes! sad to say, but some of these jobs nowadays, are like battle fields, you wake up get dressed drive or walk to a hostile and toxic environment for eight or more hours to do combat with in some cases like mine with one or more co-workers or.."opponents" and if you are not fortunate to have a fair understanding and discerning boss it's even more difficult to say the least.
4.)Remember who you are:
Remember who you are on a personal and professional level, this too shall pass. If you are a sensitive person or you cry when you get angry and want to cry..befor the tears roll, please, excuse yourself or swiftly go into the bathroom and get it out! Why? because, you want to be aware that you have a co-worker bully and you may have more than one and if your seen crying you, may have to deal with more bullying from other co-workers as well.
5). Know you're opponent(s )
If you are being work place bullied, know your bully schedule of attack, is it during lunch time when everyone is in the lunch room and they shoot you an evil look? Or during bathroom break and they follow you in the bathroom..stalking or when i'ts time to go home and they deliberately get behind you in line to intemidate you, notice the time and their behavior.
6). Know your trigger: For example if you were a target of bullying as a child that might be a trigger for you especially if you reflect back in your mind. I would suggest, breathing, self talk such as "That was the this is now " and stand up for your younger self.
Have some favorite affirmations with you for that just in case moment, because you want to have your mind focused clear and positive as possible inspite the challenge you may have to face, not too many and not too many why me sessions. Honestly, Why you? Because, they are not you! Oftentimes, too many of us were raised and brought up to not see our own beauty from the inside and out and unfortunately this hole in our hearts allows us to become targets to bullying and other abuse from other's ..But, its a New day!
Yes, dress up even if you are going through you don't have to look like your going through! Get up dress up feel better
If Work Place Bullying happens to you..Do not be afraid to tell your Boss or someone else in charge and Document! Stay strong&Take care .